Don Fletcher
F-106 Qualified
Currently: Offline
Posts: 72 
Location:
Joined: May 2010
NFL: Broncos
MLB: Rockies
|
Post by Don Fletcher on Jun 1, 2017 6:44:16 GMT 9
From the BBC — by John Cleese.
ANNOUNCEMENT
The English are feeling the pinch in relation
to recent terrorist threats and have
therefore raised their security level from
"Miffed" to "Peeved."
Soon, though, security levels may be raised
yet again to "Irritated" or even "A Bit
Cross." The English have not been "A Bit
Cross" since the blitz in 1940 when tea
supplies nearly ran out.
Terrorists have been re-categorized from
"Tiresome" to "A Bloody Nuisance."
The last time the British issued a
"Bloody Nuisance" warning level was in
1588, when threatened by the
Spanish Armada.
The Scots have raised their threat level
from "Pissed Off" to "Let's get the
Bastards."
They don't have any other levels.
This is the reason they have been used on
the front line of the British army for the last
300 years.
|
|
|
|
Post by Gene on Jun 1, 2017 6:53:19 GMT 9
|
|
|
|
Post by Gene on Aug 29, 2017 0:28:23 GMT 9
Civilization in 2017- this is priceless!!
WELCOME to 2017
� Our Phones - Wireless
� Cooking - Fireless
� Cars - Keyless
� Food - Fatless
� Tires -Tubeless
� Dress - Sleeveless
� Youth - Jobless
� Leaders - Shameless
� Relationships - Meaningless
� Attitudes - Careless
� Babies - Fatherless
� Feelings - Heartless
� Education - Valueless
� Children – Mannerless
We are-SPEECHLESS,
Government-is CLUELESS,
And our Politicians-are WORTHLESS!
I'm scared -
|
|
|
|
Post by Gene on Aug 29, 2017 10:09:29 GMT 9
|
|
|
|
Post by Gene on Aug 30, 2017 0:26:07 GMT 9
thanks Don. that's the way i have always thought of athletes and there games... pay a guys millions a year to play a game and then read about his wife beating or d.u.i. does not enter the category as role model that so many seem to rank with the pay check...
|
|
|
|
Post by Gene on Sept 20, 2017 4:17:12 GMT 9
Too bad this wasn't explained this way to Congress when they voted on it!
Weeks after leaving office on January 20, 2017, former President Barack Obama discovered a leak under his sink, so he called Joe the Plumber to come out and fix it.. Joe drove to President Obama's new house, which is located in a very exclusive, gated community near Washington DC, where all the residents have a net income of way more than $250,000 per year.
Joe arrived and took his tools into the house. He was led to the guest bathroom that contained the leaky pipe under the sink. Joe assessed the problem and told Obama that it was an easy repair & that will take less than10 minutes. Obama asked Joe how much it will cost. Joe checked his rate chart and said, "$9,500."
"What?! $9,500?!" Obama asked, stunned, "But you said it's an easy repair."
Joe said, "Yes, but what I do is charge those who make more than $250,000 per year a much higher amount so I can fix the plumbing of poorer people for free. This has always been my philosophy. As a matter of fact, I lobbied the Democrat Congress, who passed this philosophy into law. Now all plumbers must do business this way. It's known as the 'Affordable Plumbing Act of 2014'. I'm surprised you haven't heard of it."
In spite of that, Obama told Joe there's no way he's paying that much for a small plumbing repair, so Joe left. Obama spent the next hour flipping through the phone book calling for another plumber, but he found that all other plumbing businesses in the area have gone out of business.
Not wanting to pay Joe's price, Obama does nothing and the leak goes un-repaired for several more days. A week later the leak is so bad President Obama has had to put a bucket under the sink.
Michelle is not happy as she had Oprah and guests arriving the next morning. The bucket filled up quickly and had to be emptied every hour, and there was a risk the room will flood, so Obama called Joe and pleaded with him to return.
Joe went back to Obama's house, looked at the leaky pipe, checked his new rate chart and said, "Let's see, this will now cost you $21,000."
Obama quickly fired back, "What? A few days ago you told me it would cost $9,500!"
Joe explained, "Well, because of the 'Affordable Plumbing Act,' a lot of wealthier people are learning how to maintain and take care of their own plumbing, so there are fewer payers in the plumbing exchanges. As a result, the price I have to charge wealthy people like you keeps rising.
Not only that, but for some reason the demand for plumbing work by those who get it for free has skyrocketed! There's a long waiting list of those who need repairs, but the amount we get doesn't cover our costs, especially paperwork and record-keeping. This unfortunately has put a lot of my fellow plumbers out of business, they're not being replaced, and nobody is going into the plumbing business because they know they can't make any money at it. I'm hurting too, all thanks to greedy rich people like you who won’t pay their 'fair share,' On the other hand, why didn't you buy plumbing insurance last December? If you had bought plumbing insurance available under the 'Affordable Plumbing Act,' all this would have been covered by your policy."
"You mean I wouldn't have to pay anything to have you fix my plumbing problem?" asks Obama.
"Well, not exactly," replied Joe. "You would have had to buy the insurance before the deadline, which has passed now. And, because you're rich, you would have had to pay $34,000 in premiums, which would have given you a 'silver' plan, and then, since this would have been your first repair, you would have to pay up to the $21,000 deductible, and anything over that would have a $7,500 co-pay, and then there's the mandatory maintenance program, which is covered up to 17.5%, so there are some costs involved.
Nothing is for free."
"WHAT?!" exclaimed Obama. "Why so much for a puny sink leak?!"
With a bland look, Joe replied, "Well, paperwork, mostly, like I said. And the internal cost of the program itself. You don't think a program of this complexity and scope can run itself, do you? Besides, there are millions of folks with lower incomes than you, even many in the 'middle class', who qualify for subsidies that people like you must support. That's why they call it the 'Affordable Plumbing Act'! Only people who don't make much money can afford it. If you want affordable plumbing, you'll have to give away most of what you have accumulated and cut your and Michelle's income by about 90%. Then you can qualify to GET your 'Fair Share' instead of GIVING it."
"But who would pass a crazy act like the 'Affordable Plumbing Act'?!" exclaimed the exasperated Obama.
After a sigh, Joe replied, "Congress ... because they didn't read it."
This will help you understand ObamaCare. And here you have it, the 'Affordable Plumbing Act of 2014'.
|
|
|
|
Post by Jim on Sept 20, 2017 5:56:31 GMT 9
Works for me Gene......................
|
|
|
|
Post by Gene on Sept 21, 2017 0:34:19 GMT 9
an easy explanation on why the senate and congress are so screwed up
|
|
|
|
Post by LBer1568 on Mar 1, 2018 0:54:22 GMT 9
By Jeff Foxworthy:
If plastic water bottles are okay, but plastic bags are banned, — you might live in a nation (state) that was founded by geniuses but is run by idiots WE DO LIVE IN SUCH A DUMB COUNTRY!!
If you can get arrested for hunting or fishing without a license, but not for entering and remaining in the country illegally — you might live in a nation that was founded by geniuses but is run by idiots.
If you have to get your parents’ permission to go on a field trip or to take an aspirin in school, but not to get an abortion — you might live in a nation that was founded by geniuses but is run by idiots.
If you MUST show your identification to board an airplane, cash a check, buy liquor, or check out a library book and rent a video, but not to vote for who runs the government — you might live in a nation that was founded by geniuses but is run by idiots.
If the government wants to prevent stable, law-abiding citizens from owning gun magazines that hold more than ten rounds, but gives twenty F-16 fighter jets to the crazy new leaders in Egypt — you might live in a nation that was founded by geniuses but is run by idiots.
If, in the nation’s largest city, you can buy two 16-ounce sodas, but not one 24-ounce soda, because 24-ounces of a sugary drink might make you fat — you might live in a nation that was founded by geniuses but is run by idiots.
If an 80-year-old woman who is confined to a wheelchair or a three-year-old girl can be strip-searched by the TSA at the airport, but a woman in a burka or a hijab is only subject to having her neck and head searched — you might live in a nation that was founded by geniuses but is run by idiots.
If your government believes that the best way to eradicate trillions of dollars of debt is to spend trillions more — you might live in a nation that was founded by geniuses but is run by idiots.
If a seven-year-old boy can be thrown out of school for saying his teacher is “cute” but hosting a sexual exploration or diversity class in grade school is perfectly acceptable — you might live in a nation that was founded by geniuses but is run by idiots.
If hard work and success are met with higher taxes and more government regulation and intrusion while not working is rewarded with Food Stamps, WIC checks, Medicaid benefits, subsidized housing, and free cell phones — you might live in a nation that was founded by geniuses but is run by idiots.
If you pay your mortgage faithfully, denying yourself the newest big-screen TV, while your neighbor buys iPhones, time shares, a wall-sized do-it-all plasma screen TV and new cars, and the government forgives his debt when he defaults on his mortgage — you might live in a nation that was founded by geniuses but is run by idiots.
If being stripped of your Constitutional right to defend yourself makes you more “safe” according to the government — you might live in a nation that was founded by geniuses but is run by idiots.
|
|
|
|
Post by Gene on Mar 2, 2018 5:42:11 GMT 9
|
|
|
|
Post by LBer1568 on Apr 14, 2018 1:10:14 GMT 9
I think all sports fans will get a kick out of this letter written to the Chicago Tribune.... Enjoy! No matter which side you are on in the matter of renaming the Washington Redskins, this is funny. This guy is hilarious. Here is an e-mail sent to Clarence Page of the Chicago Tribune after an article he published concerning a name change for the Washington Redskins.
Dear Mr. Page: I agree with our Native American population. I am highly insulted by the racially charged name of the Washington Redskins.
One might argue that to name a professional football team after Native Americans would exalt them as fine warriors, but nay, nay. We must be careful not to offend, and in the spirit of political correctness and courtesy, we must move forward.
Let's ditch the Kansas City Chiefs, the Atlanta Braves and the Cleveland Indians.
If your shorts are in a wad because of the reference the name Redskins makes to skin color, then we need to get rid of the Cleveland Browns.
The Carolina Panthers obviously were named to keep the memory of militant Blacks from the 60's alive Gone. It's offensive to us white folk.
The New York Yankees offend the Southern population. Do you see a team named for the Confederacy? No! There is no room for any reference to that tragic war that cost this country so many young men's lives.
I am also offended by the blatant references to the Catholic religion among our sports team names. It is totally inappropriate to have the New Orleans Saints, the Los Angeles Angels, or the San Diego Padres.
Then there are the team names that glorify criminals who raped and pillaged. We are talking about the horrible Oakland Raiders, the Minnesota Vikings, the Tampa Bay Buccaneers and the Pittsburgh Pirates!
Now, let us address those teams that clearly send the wrong message to our children. The San Diego Chargers promote irresponsible fighting or even spending habits; wrong message to our children.
The New York Giants and the San Francisco Giants promote obesity, a growing childhood epidemic; wrong message to our children.
The Cincinnati Reds promote downers/barbiturates. It is the wrong message to our children.
The Milwaukee Brewers; well that goes without saying; it is the wrong message to our children.
So, there you go. We need to support any legislation that comes out to rectify this travesty, because the government will likely become involved with this issue, as they should. Just the kind of thing the do-nothing Congress loves.
As a diehard Oregon State fan, my wife and I, with all of this in mind, suggest it might also make some sense to change the name of the Oregon State women's athletic teams to something other than "the
Beavers (especially when they play Southern California }; do we really want the Trojans sticking it to the Beavers???
I always love your articles and I generally agree with them. As for the Redskins name I would suggest they change the name to the "Foreskins" to better represent their community, paying tribute to the dick heads in Washington DC
|
|
|
|
Post by Jim on Apr 14, 2018 3:40:49 GMT 9
RE: reply #55........Why don't we just call them all by the city they play in plus "SCHMITTHEADS"? Buffalo Bills would now be known as Orchard Park SCHMITTHEADS, New York Giants = New York BIG SCHMITTHEADS, NY Yankees = NY LITTLE SCHMITTHEADS, NY JETS= East Ruthersford SCHMITTHEADS.... You got the idea?
|
|
|
|
Post by Gene on May 6, 2018 3:52:26 GMT 9
Oldies but fun!
Sometimes, when I look at my children, I say to myself, 'Lillian, you should
have remained a virgin.'
- Lillian Carter (mother of Jimmy Carter)
<><>
I had a rose named after me and I was very flattered. But I was not pleased
to read the description in the catalogue: - 'No good in a bed, but fine against
a wall.'
- Eleanor Roosevelt
<><>
Last week, I stated this woman was the ugliest woman I had ever seen.
I have since been visited by her sister, and now wish to withdraw that
statement.
- Mark Twain
<><>
The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending;
and to have the two as close together as possible.
- George Burns
<><>
Santa Claus has the right idea. Visit people only once a year.
- Victor Borge
<><>
Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint.
- Mark Twain
<><>
By all means, marry. If you get a good wife, you'll become happy; if you get
a bad one, you'll become a philosopher.
- Socrates
<><>
I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.
- Groucho Marx
<><>
My wife has a slight impediment in her speech. Every now and then she stops
to breathe.
- Jimmy Durante
<><>
I have never hated a man enough to give his diamonds back.
- Zsa Zsa Gabor
<><>
Only Irish coffee provides in a single glass all four essential food groups:
alcohol, caffeine, sugar and fat.
- Alex Levine
<><>
My luck is so bad that if I bought a cemetery, people would stop dying.
- Rodney Dangerfield
<><>
Money can't buy you happiness - But it does bring you a more pleasant
form of misery.
- Spike Milligan
<><>
Until I was thirteen, I thought my name was SHUT UP.
- Joe Namath
<><>
I don't feel old. I don't feel anything until noon. Then it's time for my
nap.
- Bob Hope
<><>
I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it.
- W. C. Fields
<><>
We could certainly slow the aging process down if it had to work its way
through Congress.
- Will Rogers
<><>
Don't worry about avoiding temptation. As you grow older, it will avoid you.
- Winston Churchill
<><>
Maybe it's true that life begins at fifty, but everything else starts to
wear out, fall out, or spread out.
- Phyllis Diller
<><>
By the time a man is wise enough to watch his step, he's too old to go
anywhere.
- Billy Crystal
And the cardiologist's diet: if it tastes good spit it out.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
May your troubles be less, may your blessings be more, and
may nothing but happiness come through your door.
|
|
|
|
Post by Jim on Jun 5, 2018 2:51:36 GMT 9
Two Truths and Four Rules in Life...
As Buddha was quoted: "There are three things that cannot be easily hidden -
the sun, the moon, the truth."
Two Truths and 5 Rules of Life
Simple Truth #1
Lovers help each other undress before sex.
However, after sex, they always dress on their own.
Moral of the story: In life, no one helps you once you're screwed.
Simple Truth #2
When a lady is pregnant, all her friends touch her stomach and say, "Congratulations."
But none of them come up to the man, touch his weener and say, "Good job!"
Moral of the story: Hard work is rarely appreciated.
Five Rules to Remember in Life:
1. Money cannot buy happiness - But it's far more comfortable to cry in a
Porsche than on a bicycle.
2. Forgive your enemy - But remember the *jerk*'s name.
3. Help someone when they're in trouble – And they will remember you when
they're in trouble again.
4. Alcohol does not solve any problems - But then, neither does milk.
Bonus Thought:
Politicians should all wear uniforms just like NASCAR drivers -
So we can identify their corporate sponsors!
|
|
|
|
Post by Jim on Jul 7, 2018 1:10:20 GMT 9
|
|
Bullhunter
Global Moderator 
318th FIS Jet Shop 1975-78
Currently: Offline
Posts: 7,445
Location:
Joined: May 2005
|
Post by Bullhunter on Jul 11, 2018 16:16:52 GMT 9
 Posted this on facebook for my wife. She has not see it yet I guess. |
|
|
|
Post by Jim on Jul 28, 2018 0:38:09 GMT 9
IF THIS WEREN'T TRUE, would it be funny? So as not to be outdone by all the redneck, hillbilly, and Texan jokes, somebody had to come up with this, you know you're from California if: 1. Your coworker has 8 body piercings and none are visible. 2. You make over $200,000 and still can't afford a house. 3. You take a bus and are shocked at two people carrying on a conversation in English. 4. Your child's 3rd-grade teacher has purple hair, a nose ring, and is named Flower. 5. You can't remember . . .is pot illegal? 6. You've been to a baby shower that has two mothers and a sperm donor. 7. You have a very strong opinion about where your coffee beans are grown, and you can taste the difference between Sumatran and Ethiopian. 8. You can't remember . . . .is pot illegal? 9. A really great parking space can totally move you to tears. 10. Gas costs $1.00 per gallon more than anywhere else in the U.S. 11. Unlike back home, the guy at 8:30 am at Starbucks wearing a baseball cap and sunglasses who looks like George Clooney----------- really IS George Clooney. 12. Your car insurance costs as much as your house payment. 13. You can't remember . . . .is pot illegal? 14. It's barely sprinkling rain and there's a report on every news station: "STORM WATCH." 15. You pass an elementary school playground and the children are all busy on their cells phones. 16. Or it's barely sprinkling rain outside, so you leave for work an hour early to avoid all the weather-related accidents. 17. HEY!!!! Is pot illegal? 18. Both you AND your dog have therapists, psychics, personal trainers and cosmetic surgeons. 19. The Terminator was your governor. 20. If you drive illegally, they take your driver's license. If you're here illegally, they want to give you one.
|
|
|
|
Post by Tom Dlugosh on Jul 28, 2018 1:44:43 GMT 9
Pot IS legal and, unfortunately, the rest is pretty accurate.
|
|
|
|
Post by Jim on Aug 1, 2018 7:01:23 GMT 9
A brave US Marine at a Catholic Church …..
Regardless of your own personal religious or military affiliation - you gotta love this one!!
http://
A U.S. Marine enters the Catholic Church confessional booth in Manitowish Waters, WI .
He says, "Bless me, Father, for I have sinned. Last night, I beat the ever living crap out of a flag burning, cop hating, anti-Trump protester."
The priest says, "My son, I am here to forgive your sins, not to discuss your community service."
|
|
|
|
Post by Jim on May 26, 2019 5:48:44 GMT 9
An atheist was seated next to a little girl on an airplane and he turned
to her and said, "Do you want to talk? Flights go quicker if you strike
up a conversation with your fellow passenger."
The little girl, who had just started to read her book, replied to the total
stranger, "What would you want to talk about?"
"Oh, I don't know," said the atheist. "How about why there is no God,
or no Heaven or Hell, or no life after death?" as he smiled smugly.
"Okay," she said. "Those could be interesting topics but let me ask
you a question first. A horse, a cow, and a deer all eat the same
stuff - grass. Yet a deer excretes little pellets, while a cow turns
out a flat patty, but a horse produces clumps. Why do you suppose that is?"
The atheist, visibly surprised by the little girl's intelligence,
thinks about it and says, "Hmmm, I have no idea." To which
the little girl replies, "Do you really feel qualified to discuss
God, Heaven and Hell, or life after death, when you don't know crap?"
And then she went back to reading her book.
|
|
So as not to be outdone by all the redneck, hillbilly, and Texan
