dbolen1
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Joined: December 2006
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Post by dbolen1 on Dec 28, 2006 22:20:03 GMT 9
CIVILIAN FRIENDS: Get upset if you're too busy to talk to them for a week.
MILITARY FRIENDS: Are glad to see you after years, and will happily carry on the same conversation you were having last time you met.
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CIVILIAN FRIENDS: Never ask for food.
MILITARY FRIENDS: Are the reason you have no food.
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CIVILIAN FRIENDS: Call your parents Mr. And Mrs.
MILITARY FRIENDS: Call your parents mom and dad.
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CIVILIAN FRIENDS: Bail you out of jail and tell you what you did was wrong.
MILITARY FRIENDS: Would be sitting next to you saying, "Damn...we screwed up...but man that was fun!"
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CIVILIAN FRIENDS: Have never seen you cry.
MILITARY FRIENDS: Cry with you.
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CIVILIAN FRIENDS: Borrow your stuff for a few days then give it back .
MILITARY FRIENDS: Keep your stuff so long they forget it's yours. (Kinda disagree with this one)
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CIVILIAN FRIENDS: Know a few things about you.
MILITARY FRIENDS: Could write a book with direct quotes from you.
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CIVILIAN FRIENDS: Will leave you behind if that's what the crowd is doing.
MILITARY FRIENDS: Will kick the whole crowds' ass that left you behind.
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CIVILIAN FRIENDS: Would knock on your door.
MILITARY FRIENDS: Walk right in and say, "I'm home!"
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CIVILIAN FRIENDS: Are for a while.
MILITARY FRIENDS: Are for life.
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CIVILIAN FRIENDS: Have shared a few experiences...
MILITARY FRIENDS: Have shared a lifetime of experiences no Civilian could ever dream of...
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CIVILIAN FRIENDS: Will take your drink away when they think you've had enough.
MILITARY FRIENDS: Will look at you stumbling all over the place and say, "You better drink the rest of that, you know we don't waste...that's alcohol abuse!!" Then carry you home safely and put you to bed...
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CIVILIAN FRIENDS: Will talk crap to the person who talks crap about you.
MILITARY FRIENDS: Will knock them the hell out them for using your name in vain.
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cyclist
New to the Flightline
Currently: Offline
Posts: 2
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Joined: April 2008
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Post by cyclist on Apr 21, 2008 5:48:23 GMT 9
Amen.
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Post by daoleguy A.J. Hoehn (deceased) on Apr 26, 2008 6:44:44 GMT 9
Oh boy, what next? -------------------------------- Florida Considers Banning Testicle Replicas from Cars TALLAHASSEE, FL - The Florida Senate last week took a bold stand against automotive testicle ornaments, amending a transportation bill to include a $60 fine for hanging replicas of male genitalia on a truck, referred to by one of the two most popular brands of said items - Truck Nutz or Bull Nuts. Most commonly, testicle ornaments are found hanging from the trailer hitches of pickup trucks. In fact, one senator went as far as to defend the practice by claiming it was part of truck culture. "There are some people in my district that would display bull testicles that are brass or whatever," Republican Sen. Jim King said. "It's an expression of just truckiness." King, who reportedly used to hang a testicle ornament on his own truck until his wife insisted upon the ornament's removal, added that in his district, "those things are very popular - you find them on pickup trucks and muscle trucks all the time." The penalty for accessorizing a vehicle with testicles, which also includes points against a driver's license, was proposed by Sen. Carey Baker, R-Eustis. The bill containing the amendment, which calls for allowing hybrid vehicles to use carpool lanes, has yet to be voted on. A similar bill in the Florida House does not have the testicle replica fine amendment. Full story here: www.sun-sentinel.com/sfl-flftrucks0418sbapr18,0,3320462.story |
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Post by pat perry on Apr 26, 2008 8:51:30 GMT 9
Oh boy, what next? -------------------------------- Florida Considers Banning Testicle Replicas from Cars TALLAHASSEE, FL - The Florida Senate last week took a bold stand against automotive testicle ornaments, amending a transportation bill to include a $60 fine for hanging replicas of male genitalia on a truck, referred to by one of the two most popular brands of said items - Truck Nutz or Bull Nuts. Most commonly, testicle ornaments are found hanging from the trailer hitches of pickup trucks. In fact, one senator went as far as to defend the practice by claiming it was part of truck culture. "There are some people in my district that would display bull testicles that are brass or whatever," Republican Sen. Jim King said. "It's an expression of just truckiness." King, who reportedly used to hang a testicle ornament on his own truck until his wife insisted upon the ornament's removal, added that in his district, "those things are very popular - you find them on pickup trucks and muscle trucks all the time." The penalty for accessorizing a vehicle with testicles, which also includes points against a driver's license, was proposed by Sen. Carey Baker, R-Eustis. The bill containing the amendment, which calls for allowing hybrid vehicles to use carpool lanes, has yet to be voted on. A similar bill in the Florida House does not have the testicle replica fine amendment. Full story here: www.sun-sentinel.com/sfl-flftrucks0418sbapr18,0,3320462.story Hmmmmm... Gives new meaning to the search for "hanging chads"  Pat P. |
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Post by Mark O on Apr 26, 2008 12:23:04 GMT 9
Hmmmmm... Gives new meaning to the search for "hanging chads" Pat P. :lol: I was told when I got to Dyess that those balls are expressly prohibited on vehicles driving on base. Apparently the wing-king's wife had something to do with that rule! "Coitus Interruptus" - (No fun allowed!)  Mark |
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Post by Cougar on Jun 7, 2008 4:13:40 GMT 9
Food for Thought: While suturing a cut on the hand of a 75 year old Rancher, whose hand was caught in a gate while working cattle, the doctor struck up a conversation with the old man. Eventually the topic got around to Obama and his bid to be our President. “Well,’ the old rancher said, 'Obama is a 'post turtle'.' Not being familiar with the term, the doctor asked him, “What’s a 'post turtle'? The old rancher said, 'When you're driving down a country road and you come across a fence post with a turtle balanced on top, that's a 'post turtle'.' The old rancher saw a puzzled look on the doctor's face, so he continued to explain. 'You know he didn't get there by himself, that he doesn't belong there, that he doesn't know what to do while he’s there, and you have to wonder about what kind of a dumb a$$ put him up there......”  ;D ;D ;D |
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Post by Jim on Jun 7, 2008 5:15:52 GMT 9
AIYUP.............................................. ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D
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Post by Gene on Aug 3, 2008 11:34:48 GMT 9
1. A day without sunshine is like night.
2. On the other hand, you have different fingers.
3. 42.7 percent of all statistics are made up on the spot.
4. 99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name.
5. Remember, half the people you know are below average.
6. He who laughs last thinks slowest.
7. Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.
8. The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese
in the trap.
9. Support bacteria. They're the only culture some people have.
10. A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
11. Change is inevitable, except from vending machines.
12. If you think nobody cares, try missing a couple of payments..
13. How many of you believe in psycho-kinesis? Raise my hand.
14. OK, so what's the speed of dark?
15. When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.
16. Hard work pays off in the future. Laziness pays off now.
17. How much deeper would the ocean be without sponges?
18. Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.
19. What happens if you get scared half to death, twice?
20. Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?
21. Inside every older person is a younger person wondering, 'What the
heck happened?'
22. Just remember -- if the world didn't suck, we would all fall off.
23. Light travels faster than sound. That's why some people appear
bright until you hear them speak.
24. Life isn't like a box of chocolates. It's more like a jar of
jalapenos. What you do today, might burn your butt tomorrow.
and thats the way it is :yellowbeer:
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Post by Cougar on Sept 29, 2008 15:18:46 GMT 9
One day there lived a woman who did not whine, nag or bitch. But that was a long, long time ago.......and it was just that one day. The End.    |
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Post by Gene on Sept 30, 2008 16:01:15 GMT 9
well, sierra hotel!, to that :yellowbeer:  |
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Post by Cougar on Nov 1, 2008 3:25:18 GMT 9
In adjusting to the latest economic conditions the following terminology shall apply: CEO - Chief Embezzlement Officer. CFO - Corporate Fraud Officer. BULL MARKET - A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius. BEAR MARKET - A 6-to-18-month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex. VALUE INVESTING - The art of buying low and selling lower. P/E RATIO - The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing. BROKER - What investing has made us. STANDARD & POOR - Our life in a nutshell! |
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Post by Gene on Nov 1, 2008 6:04:15 GMT 9
where do you come up with all these pearls?? i could'nt agree more. |
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Post by Mark O on Nov 10, 2008 12:55:06 GMT 9
My 72-year-old mom sent me this...
This sounds good to me..................
Dear Civilians,
'We know that the current state of affairs in our great nation has many civilians up in arms and excited to join the military. For those of you who can't join, you can still lend a hand.
Here are a few of the areas where we would like your assistance:
1. The next time you see any adults talking (or wearing a hat) during the playing of the National Anthem - kick their ass.
2. When you witness, firsthand, someone burning the American Flag in protest - kick their ass.
3. Regardless of the rank they held while they served, pay the highest amount of respect to all veterans. If you see anyone doing otherwise, quietly pull them aside and explain how these veterans fought for the very freedom they bask in every second. Enlighten them on the many sacrifices these veterans made to make this Nation great. Then hold them down while a disabled veteran kicks their ass.
4. (GUYS) If you were never in the military, DO NOT pretend that you were. Wearing battle dress uniforms (BDU'S) or Jungle Fatigues, telling others that you used to be 'Special Forces,' and collecting GI Joe memorabilia, might have been okay when you were seven years old. Now, it will only make you look stupid and get your ass kicked.
5. Next time you come across an Air Force member, do not ask them, 'Do you fly a jet?' Not everyone in the Air Force is a pilot. Such ignorance deserves an ass-kicking (children are exempt).
6. If you witness someone calling the US Coast Guard 'non-military', inform them of their mistake - and kick their ass.
7. Next time Old Glory (the US flag) prances by during a parade, get on your damn feet and pay homage to her by placing your hand over your heart. Quietly thank the military member or veteran lucky enough to be carrying her - of course, failure to do either of those could earn you a severe
ass-kicking.
8. Don't try to discuss politics with a military member or a veteran. We are Americans, and we all bleed the same, regardless of our party affiliation. Our Chain of Command is to include our Commander-In-Chief (CinC). The President (for those who didn't know) is our CinC regardless of political party. We have no inside track on what happens inside those big important buildings where all those representatives meet All we know is that when those civilian representatives screw up the situation, they call upon the military to go straighten it out. If you keep asking us the same stupid questions repeatedly, you will get your ass kicked!
9. 'Your mama wears combat boots' never made sense to me - stop saying it! If she did, she would most likely be a vet and therefore could kick your ass!
10. bin Laden and the Taliban are not Communists, so stop saying 'Let's go kill those Commies!' And stop asking us where he is! Crystal balls are not standard issue in the military. That reminds me- if you see anyone calling those damn psychic phone numbers, let me know, so I can go kick their ass!
11. 'Flyboy' (Air Force), 'Jarhead' (Marines), 'Grunt' (Army), 'Squid'
(Navy), 'Puddle Jumpers' (Coast Guard), etc., are terms of endearment we use describing each other. Unless you are a service member or vet, you have not earned the right to use them. Using them could get your ass kicked.
12. Last, but not least, whether or not you become a member of the military, support our troops and their families. Every Thanksgiving and religious holiday that you enjoy with family and friends, please remember that there are literally thousands of soldiers, sailors, marines and airmen far from home wishing they could be with their families. Thank God for our military and the sacrifices they make every day. Without them, our country would get it's ass kicked.'
'It's the Veteran, not the reporter who has given us the freedom of the press.'
'It's the Veteran, not the poet, who has given us the freedom of speech.'
'It's the Veteran, not the campus organizer, who gives us the freedom to demonstrate.'
'It's the Military who salutes the flag, who serves beneath the flag, and whose coffin is draped by the flag, who allows the protester to burn the flag.'
One more:
13. If you ever see anyone either standing for or singing the national anthem in Spanish - KICK THEIR ASS.
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Post by Jeff Shannon on Nov 10, 2008 23:41:54 GMT 9
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Post by lindel on Nov 11, 2008 23:14:27 GMT 9
Works for me! |
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Jim Scanlon (deceased)
Senior Staff 
FORUM CHAPLAIN
Commander South Texas outpost of the County Sligo Squadron
Currently: Offline
Posts: 5,075 
Location:
Joined: July 2007
Retired: USAF
NBA: Spurs
NFL: Niners
MLB: Giants
NHL: Penguins
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Post by Jim Scanlon (deceased) on Nov 14, 2008 13:54:55 GMT 9
Spot on.
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Post by Cougar on Nov 22, 2008 4:16:39 GMT 9
The Four Cats Four men were bragging about how smart their cats were. The first man was an Engineer, the second an Accountant, the third a Chemist, and the fourth a Government Employee. To show off, the Engineer said to his cat, 'T-square, do your stuff.' T-square pranced over to the desk, took out some paper and pen and promptly drew a circle, a square, and a triangle. Everyone agreed that was pretty smart. But the Accountant said his cat could do better, so he said to his cat, 'Spreadsheet, do your stuff.' Spreadsheet went out to the kitchen and returned with a dozen cookies. He divided them into 4 equal piles of 3 cookies. Everyone agreed that was good. The Chemist, not to be outdone, said to his cat, said his cat, 'Measure, do your stuff.' Measure got up, walked to the fridge, took out a quart of milk, got a 10 ounce glass from the cupboard and poured exactly 8 ounces without spilling a drop into the glass. Everyone agreed that was pretty good. Then the three men turned to the Government Employee and said, 'What can your cat do?' The Government Employee picked up his cat and said, 'CoffeeBreak, do your stuff.' CoffeeBreak jumped to his feet.......ate the cookies........drank the milk.......$hit on the paper.......screwed the other three cats.......claimed he injured his back while doing so.......filed a grievance report for unsafe working conditions.......put in for Workers Compensation...............and went home for the rest of the day on sick leave. AND THAT, MY FRIEND IS WHY PEOPLE WANT TO WORK FOR THE GOVERNMENT!! |
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Post by Gene on Nov 22, 2008 9:33:59 GMT 9
that was my biggest incentive. 35 years this feb.  oh, and watching all the pretty little jet was a bonus. |
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Post by Gene on Nov 22, 2008 13:02:25 GMT 9
The difference between a duck and a co-pilot?
The duck can fly.
A check ride ought to be like a skirt.
Short enough to be interesting, but long enough to cover everything.
Speed is life. Altitude is life insurance.
It only takes two things to fly:
Airspeed, and money.
The three most dangerous things in aviation:
1.. A Doctor or Dentist in a Cessna.
2. Two captains in a DC-9.
Aircraft Identification:
If it's ugly, it's British.
If it's weird, it's French.
If it's ugly and weird, it's Russian.
Without ammunition, the USAF would be just another very expensive flying club.
The similarity between air traffic controllers and pilots?
If a pilot screws up, the pilot dies.
If ATC screws up, the pilot dies.
The difference between flight attendants and jet engines:
The engines usually quit whining when they get to the gate.
New FAA motto:
'We're not happy, till you're not happy.'
If Air Traffic Control screws up, it's called a "System Malfunction", If a pilot screws up it's called a "violation".
If something hasn't broken on your helicopter -- it's about to.
I give that landing a 9 . . on the Richter scale.
Basic Flying Rules:
1. Try to stay in the middle of the air.
2. Do not go near the edges of it.
3. The edges of the air can be recognized by the appearance of ground, buildings, sea, trees and interstellar space. It is much more difficult to fly in the edges.
Unknown landing signal officer (LSO) to carrier pilot after his 6th unsuccessful landing attempt:
"You've got to land here son. This is where the food is."
The three best things in life are:
A good landing, a good orgasm, and a good bowel movement.
A night carrier landing is one of the few opportunities to experience all three at the same time.
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Post by Cougar on Dec 13, 2008 15:59:00 GMT 9
I had a dream the other night, I didn't understand. A figure walking through the mist, with flintlock in his hand. His clothes were torn and dirty, as he stood there by my bed. He took off his three-cornered hat, and speaking low, he said: "We fought a revolution, to secure our liberty. We wrote the Constitution, as a shield from tyranny. For future generations, this legacy we gave. In this, the land of the free and the home of the brave. "The freedom we secured for you, we hoped you'd always keep. But tyrants labored endlessly while your parents were asleep. Your freedom gone, your courage lost, you're no more than a slave. In this, the land of the free and home of the brave. "You buy permits to travel, and permits to own a gun, Permits to start a business, or to build a place for one. On land that you believe you own, you pay a yearly rent. Although you have no voice in choosing, how the money's spent. "Your children must attend a school that doesn't educate. Your Christian values can't be taught, according to the state. You read about the current news, in a regulated press. You pay a tax you do not owe, to please the I.R.S. "Your money is no longer made of Silver or of Gold. You trade your wealth for paper, so your life can be controlled. You pay for crimes that make our Nation, turn from God in shame. You've taken Satan's number, as you've traded in your name. "You've given government control, to those who do you harm, So they can padlock churches, and steal the family farm, And keep our country deep in debt, put men of God in jail, Harass your fellow countrymen, while corrupted courts prevail. "Your public servants don't uphold the solemn oath they've sworn. Your daughters visit doctors, so their children won't be born. Your leaders ship artillery, and guns to foreign shores, And send your sons to slaughter, fighting other people's wars. "Can you regain the freedom for which we fought and died? Or don't you have the courage, or the faith to stand with pride? Are there no more values for which you'll fight to save? Or do you wish your children, to live in fear and be a slave? "People of the Republic, arise and take a stand! Defend the Constitution, the Supreme Law of the Land! Preserve our Great Republic, and GOD-Given Right! And pray to GOD, to keep the torch of Freedom burning bright!" As I awoke he vanished, in the mist from whence he came. His words were true, we are not Free, we have ourselves to blame. For even now as tyrants, trample each GOD-Given Right, We only watch and tremble, too afraid to stand and fight. If he stood by your bedside, in a dream, while you're asleep, And wonders what remains of our Rights he fought to keep, What would be your answer, if he called out from the grave: "IS THIS STILL THE LAND OF THE FREE AND HOME OF THE BRAVE???" |
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