Dumb Blonde Jokes (Read 7,859 times)

What did the blonde say when she opened the box of Cheerios?

"Oh look! : Doughnut seeds!"

:green-beer :drunk :green-beer

:green-smile



:us_flag

Two blondes walk into a building.........


You'ld think at least one of them would have seen it.

Two blondes living in Oklahoma were sitting on a bench talking, and one blonde says to the other, "Which do you think is farther away... Florida or the moon?"
The other blonde turns & says "Hellooooooo, can you see Florida

A blonde goes over to her friend's house wearing a T.G.I.F. Tee-shirt.
'Why are you wearing a 'Thank God It's Friday' tee-shirt on Monday?'
'Oh crap!' the blonde says. 'I didn't realize it was a religious t-shirt. I thought it meant 'Tits Go In Front.''


A blonde pushes her BMW into a gas station. She tells the mechanic it died. After he works on it for a few minutes, it is idling smoothly.

She says, "What's the story?"
He replies, "Just crap in the carburetor"
She asks, "How often do I have to do that?"

A police officer stops a blonde for speeding and asks her very nicely if he could see her license.
She replied in a huff, "I wish you guys would get your act together. Just yesterday you take away my license and then today you expect me to show it to you!"


There's this blonde out for a walk. She comes to a river and sees another blonde on the opposite bank. "Yoo-hoo!" she shouts, "How can I get to the other side?"
The second blonde looks up the river then down the river and shouts back, "You ARE on the other side."


A gorgeous young redhead goes into the doctor's office and said that her body hurt wherever she touched it.
"Impossible!" says the doctor. "Show me."
The redhead took her finger, pushed on her left shoulder and screamed, then she pushed her elbow and screamed even more. She pushed her knee and screamed; likewise she pushed her ankle and screamed. Everywhere she touched made her scream.
The doctor said, "You're not really a redhead, are you?
"Well, no" she said, "I'm actually a blonde.."
"I thought so," the doctor said. "Your finger is broken."


A highway patrolman pulled alongside a speeding car on the freeway.. Glancing at the car, he was astounded to see that the blonde behind the wheel was knitting!
Realizing that she was oblivious to his flashing lights and siren, the trooper cranked down his window, turned on his bullhorn and yelled, "PULL OVER!"
"NO!" the blonde yelled back, "IT'S A SCARF!"


A Russian, an American, and a Blonde were talking one day. The Russian said, "We were the first in space!"
The American said, "We were the first on the moon!"
The Blonde said, "So what? We're going to be the first on the sun!"
The Russian and the American looked at each other and shook their heads. "You can't land on the sun, you idiot! You'll burn up!" said the Russian.
To which the Blonde replied, "We're not stupid, you know. We're going at night!"


A blonde was playing Trivial Pursuit one night. It was her turn. She rolled the dice and she landed on Science & Nature. Her question was, "If you are in a vacuum and someone calls your name, can you hear it?"
She thought for a time and then asked, "Is it on or off?"

A girl was visiting her blonde friend, who had acquired two new dogs, and asked her what their names were. The blonde responded by saying that one was named Rolex and one was named Timex. Her friend said, "Whoever heard of someone naming dogs like that?"
"HELLLOOOOOOO," answered the blonde. "They're watch dogs!"

:





A blonde lady motorist was about two hours from San Diego when she was flagged down by a man whose truck had broken down. The man walked up to the car and asked, "Are you going to San Diego?"

"Sure," answered the blonde, "do you need a lift?"

"Not for me. I'll be spending the next three hours fixing my truck. My problem is I've got two chimpanzees in the back which have to be taken to the San Diego Zoo. They're a bit stressed already so I don't want to keep them on the road all day. Could you possibly take them to the zoo for me? I'll give you $100 for your trouble."

"I'd be happy to," said the blonde.

So the two chimpanzees were ushered into the back seat of the blonde's car and carefully strapped into their seat belts.

Off they went.

Five hours later, the truck driver was driving through the heart of San Diego when suddenly he was horrified! There was the blonde walking down the street and holding hands with the two chimps, much to the amusement of a big crowd.

With a screech of brakes he pulled off the road and ran over to the blonde. "What are you doing here?" he demanded, "I gave you $100 to take these chimpanzees to the zoo."











"Yes, I know you did," said the blonde," but we had money left over so now we're going to Sea World."

Why did the blonde get fired from the M&M factory?








She kept throwing out the "W's".

A blonde decides to try horseback riding, even though she has had no lessons, nor prior experience. She mounts the horse unassisted, and the horse immediately springs into motion. It gallops along at a steady and rhythmic pace, but the blonde begins to slide from the saddle.


In terror, she grabs for the horse's mane, but cannot seem to get a firm grip. She tries to throw her arms around the horse's neck, but she slides down the horse's side anyway. The horse gallops along, seemingly impervious to its slipping rider.


Finally, giving up her frail grip, the blonde attempts to leap away from the horse and throw herself to safety.Unfortunately, her foot has become entangled in the stirrup, she is now at the mercy of the horse's pounding hooves as her head is struck against the ground over and over.


As her head is battered against the ground, she is mere moments away from unconsciousness when to her great fortune . . .. Frank, the Walmart greeter, sees her dilemma and unplugs the horse.



And you thought all they did was say Hello.

A Six pilot on a TDY finds himself sitting at the O-club hitting on a nice looking blonde. Fast forward and they are now in the hangar and he's giving her a tour of his Six.

Pilot: Go ahead and climb the ladder and sit in the cockpit.

Blonde going up: OK, but why do they call it that?

Pilot following: I all planes are called cockpits where the pilot sits.

The Blonde settles in the seat and the Pilot begins to explain all the controls. Moving down the left console he stops at the 905 unit.

Pilot: Here is where we turn the avionics system on.

Looking closely the Blonde notices the Horiz Adj switch for the stable table and reads the label under it. With delight she exclaims, "Now I know why they call it that!"

What did the label say?

Okay. Where is it?

www.f-106deltadart.com/cockpit.htm

Someone help an Herk guy out here!