|
|
Post by Jeff Shannon on Jan 22, 2007 4:37:30 GMT 9
You gotta love Robin Williams...... Even if he's nuts! Leave it to Robin Williams to come up with the perfect plan. What we need now is for our UN Ambassador to stand up and repeat this message. Robin Williams' plan...(Hard to argue with this logic!) "I see a lot of people yelling for peace but I have not heard of a plan for peace. So, here's one plan." 1) "The USwill apologize to the world for our "interference" in their affairs, past & present. You know , Hitler, Mussolini, Stalin, Tojo, Noriega, Milosevic, Hussein, and the rest of those "good 'ole' boys", we will never "interfere" again. 2) We will withdraw our troops from all over the world, starting with Germany , South Korea , the Middle East, and the Philippines . They don't want us there. We would station troops at our borders. No one allowed sneaking through holes in the fence. 3) All illegal aliens have 90 days to get their affairs together and leave.We'll give them a free trip home. After 90 days the remainder will be gathered up and deported immediately, regardless of whom or where they are. They're illegal!!! Francewill welcome them. 4) All future visitors will be thoroughly checked and limited to 90 days unless given a special permit!!!! No one from a terrorist nation will be allowed in. If you don't like it there, change it yourself and don't hide here. Asylum would never be available to anyone. We don't need any more cab drivers or 7-11 ca shiers. 5) No foreign "students" over age 21. The older ones are the bombers. If they don't attend classes, they get a "D" and it's back home baby. 6) The USwill make a strong effort to become self-sufficient energy wise. This will include developing nonpolluting sources of energy but will require a temporary drilling of oil in the Alaskan wilderness. The caribou will have to cope for a while . 7) Offer Saudi Arabiaand other oil producing countries $10 a barrel for their oil. If they don't like it, we go someplace else. They can go somewhere else to sell their production. (About a week of the wells filling up the storage sites would be enough.) 8) If there is a famine or other natural catastrophe in the world, we will not "interfere." They can pray to Allah or whomever, for seeds, rain, cement or whatever they need. Besides most of what we give them is stolen or given to the army. The people who need it most get very little, if anything. 9) Ship the UN Headquarters to an isolated island someplace. We don't need the spies and fair weather friends here. Besides, the building would make a good homeless shelter or lockup for illegal aliens. 10) All Americans must go to charm and beauty school. That way, no one can call us "Ugly Americans" any longer. The Language we speak is ENGLISH...learn it...or LEAVE...Now, isn't that a winner of a plan? "The Statue of Liberty is no longer saying "Give me your tired, your poor, your huddled masses." She's got a baseball bat and she's yelling, 'you want a piece of me?' "  |
|
|
|
Post by Cougar on Jan 26, 2007 2:04:58 GMT 9
|
|
|
|
Post by Cougar on Feb 3, 2007 11:23:37 GMT 9
|
|
|
|
Post by Cougar on Feb 14, 2007 6:22:50 GMT 9
Last Tuesday, as President Bush got off the Helicopter in front of the White House, he was Carrying a baby piglet under each arm. Each was horrendously ugly! The squared away Marine guard snaps to attention, salutes, and says: "Nice pigs, sir." The President replies "These are not pigs these are authentic Arkansas Razorback Hogs. I got one for Senator Hillary Clinton and I got one for Speaker of The House Nancy Pelosi." The squared away Marine again snaps to attention, Salutes, and says, "Excellent trade, sir."    |
|
|
|
Post by Jeff Shannon on Feb 15, 2007 2:53:42 GMT 9
|
|
|
|
Post by pat perry on Feb 15, 2007 2:59:46 GMT 9
Tom, a loving husband, was in trouble. He forgot his wedding anniversary and his wife was really ticked off at him. She told him, "Tomorrow morning, I expect to find a gift in the driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in under 6 seconds, AND IT BETTER BE THERE." The next morning, Tom got up really early. When his wife woke up a couple of hours later, she looked out the window, and sure enough, there was a small gift-wrapped box sitting in the middle of the driveway. Confused, the wife put on her robe, ran out to the driveway, and took the box into the house. She opened it, and found a brand new bathroom scale. Tom is not yet well enough to have visitors....  |
|
|
|
Post by Cougar on Feb 16, 2007 12:04:20 GMT 9
A Texan took his wife to the rodeo and one of the first exhibits they stopped at was the breeding bulls. They went up to the first pen and there was a sign attached that said, "This bull mated 50 times last year." The wife playfully nudged her husband in the ribs and said, "He mated 50 times last year." They walked to the second pen which had a sign attached that said, "This bull mated 120 times last year. " The wife gave her husband a healthy jab and said, "That's more than twice a week! You could learn a lot from him." They walked to the third pen and it had a sign attached that said, in capital letters, "This bull mated 365 times last year." The wife, so excited that her elbow nearly broke her husband's ribs, said, "That's once a day. You could REALLY learn something from this one." The husband looked at her and said, "Go over and ask him if it was with the same cow." NOTE: The husband's condition has been upgraded from critical to stable and he should eventually make a full recovery. |
|
|
|
Post by Cougar on Feb 20, 2007 1:35:48 GMT 9
Please make a generous contribution. A driver is stuck in a traffic jam on US 95 south, just outside of Washington. Nothing is moving north or south. Suddenly a man knocks on his window. The driver rolls down his window and asks, "What happened? What's the hold up?" "Terrorists have kidnapped Hillary Clinton, Ted Kennedy, Jesse Jackson, Al Sharpton and John Kerry. They are asking for a $100 million ransom. Otherwise, they are going to douse them with gasoline and set them on fire. We are going from car to car, taking up a collection." The driver asks, "On average how much is everyone giving?" "About a gallon" |
|
|
|
Post by Cougar on Feb 21, 2007 11:26:32 GMT 9
|
|
|
|
Post by Cougar on Feb 26, 2007 3:20:36 GMT 9
|
|
|
|
Post by Jeff Shannon on Feb 26, 2007 4:18:05 GMT 9
No sense being pessimistic; it probably wouldn't work anyway.  |
|
|
|
Post by Cougar on Mar 13, 2007 23:41:58 GMT 9
|
|
|
|
Post by Cougar on Apr 27, 2007 6:07:04 GMT 9
|
|
|
|
Post by pat perry on Apr 27, 2007 7:54:58 GMT 9
A Greek and an Irishman were sitting in a Starbuck's cafe one day discussing who had the superior culture. Over triple lattes the Greek guy says, "Well, we built the Parthenon", arching his eyebrows. The Irishman then replies, "We discovered the Summer and Winter Solstice." The Greek retorts, "We Greeks gave birth to advanced mathematics." The Irishman, nodding in agreement, says, "But we built the first timepieces and calendars." And so on and so on until the Greek comes up with what he thinks will end the discussion... With a flourish of finality he says, "We invented sex!" The Irishman replies, "Indeed, that is true, but it was we Irish who introduced it to women." |
|
|
|
Post by pat perry on Apr 27, 2007 9:06:30 GMT 9
Sleeping Beauty, Tom Thumb, and Quasimodo were all talking one day.
Sleeping Beauty said, "I believe myself to be the most beautiful girl in the world."
Tom Thumb said, "I must be the smallest person in the world."
Quasimodo said, "I absolutely have to be the most disgusting person in the world."
So they all decided to go to the Guinness Book of World Records to have their claims verified.
Sleeping Beauty went in first and came out looking deliriously happy. "It's official; I AM the most beautiful girl in the world."
Tom Thumb went next and emerged triumphant, "I am now officially the smallest person in the world."
Sometime later, Quasimodo comes out looking utterly confused and says, "Who the hell is Rosie O'Donnell?”
;D
|
|
Bullhunter
Global Moderator 
318th FIS Jet Shop 1975-78
Currently: Offline
Posts: 7,445 
Location:
Joined: May 2005
|
Post by Bullhunter on May 8, 2007 11:57:20 GMT 9
Thought for the day:
"Calling an illegal alien an "undocumented immigrant"
is like calling a drug dealer an "unlicensed pharmacist".
|
|
Bullhunter
Global Moderator
318th FIS Jet Shop 1975-78
Currently: Offline
Posts: 7,445
Location:
Joined: May 2005
|
Post by Bullhunter on May 13, 2007 1:43:30 GMT 9
Deep Thoughts
- Does a clean house indicate that there is a broken computer in it?
- Why is it that no matter what colour of bubble bath you use the bubbles are always white?
- Is there ever a day when mattresses are NOT on sale?
- Why do people constantly return to the refrigerator with the hopes that something new to eat will have materialized?
- Why do people keep running over a string a dozen times with their vacuum cleaner, then reach down, pick it up, examine it, then put it down to give their vacuum one more chance? ;D
- How do those dead bugs get into closed light fixtures?
- Why do we wash BATH towels? Aren't we clean when we use them? If not then what was the purpose of the bath?
- Considering all the lint you get in your dryer, if you kept drying your clothes would they eventually just disappear?
- When we are in the supermarket and someone rams our ankle with a shopping cart then apologizes for doing so, why do we say 'It's all right'? It isn't all right, so why don't we say, 'That hurt, you stupid idiot?'
- Why is it that whenever you attempt to catch something that's falling off the table you always manage to knock something else over?
- Is it true that the only difference between a yard sale and a trash pickup is how close to the road the stuff is placed?
and Finally
-Why is Abbreviated such a long word?
|
|
|
|
Post by Cougar on May 28, 2007 7:40:43 GMT 9
"This amnesty will give citizenship to only 1.1 to 1.3 million illegal aliens. We will secure the borders henceforth. We will never again bring forward another amnesty bill like this."
Senator Ted :lol: Kennedy, 1986 ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D
|
|
|
|
Post by Cougar on Jul 18, 2007 22:47:10 GMT 9
|
|
|
|
Post by Mark O on Jul 19, 2007 16:44:35 GMT 9
Can a hearse carrying a corpse drive in the carpool lane ? That's funny! When I was a State Trooper in Colorado back in the 90's I pulled a lady over in the car pool lane and when I walked up to her pick-up I saw she a dog in the passenger seat. She legitimately thought that was okay! I was laughing so hard I just let her go with a warning! Mark |
|
