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Post by Jim on May 20, 2012 3:13:20 GMT 9
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Post by LBer1568 on May 20, 2012 3:39:55 GMT 9
I think it was all staged. When people start shooting, people run and go into panic mode. But it is also very funny. Got the bear again
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Deleted
Currently: Offline
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Joined: January 1970
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Post by Deleted on May 20, 2012 4:15:52 GMT 9
EXCEPTIONAL, I'll bet those people were amazed!!! What a way to change your day
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Jim Scanlon (deceased)
Senior Staff
FORUM CHAPLAIN
Commander South Texas outpost of the County Sligo Squadron
Currently: Offline
Posts: 5,075
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Joined: July 2007
Retired: USAF NBA: Spurs NFL: Niners MLB: Giants NHL: Penguins
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Post by Jim Scanlon (deceased) on Jul 19, 2012 8:38:14 GMT 9
One of my friends told me this morning: "In my old age I only do mechanics work. Just this morning I put a rear end in a Lazy Boy." Hmmmmmmmm
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Post by shadowgunner on Jul 19, 2012 9:24:55 GMT 9
:clap :clap :clap :thumbsup :thumbsup
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Post by Jim on Sept 29, 2012 1:29:13 GMT 9
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Post by Jim on Oct 4, 2012 8:29:15 GMT 9
Just in case you weren't feeling too old today.........
The people who are starting college this fall were born in 1993.
They are too young to remember the space shuttle blowing up.
Their lifetime has always included AIDS.
The CD was introduced two years before they were born.
They have always had an answering machine.
They have always had cable.
Jay Leno has always been on the Tonight Show.
Popcorn has always been microwaved..
They never took a swim and thought about Jaws.
They don't know who Mork was or where he was from.
They never heard: 'Where's the Beef?', 'I'd walk a mile for a Camel ' or 'de plane Boss, de plane'.
McDonald's never came in Styrofoam containers.
They don't have a clue how to use a typewriter.
Pass this on to the other old fogies on your list.
Notice the larger type?
That's for those of us who have trouble reading.
P.S. Save the earth. It's the only planet with chocolate.
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Post by Jim on Oct 5, 2012 12:03:05 GMT 9
no politics
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Post by LBer1568 on Oct 6, 2012 9:13:05 GMT 9
Not really a joke, but some common sense.
WHAT WOMEN WANT! =================
Young King Arthur was ambushed and imprisoned by the monarch of a neighboring kingdom. The monarch could have killed him but was moved by Arthur's youth and ideals. So the monarch offered him freedom, as long as he could answer a very difficult question.
Arthur would have a year to figure out the answer; if after a year, he still had no answer, he would be put to death.
The question: What do women really want?
Such a question would perplex even the most knowledgeable man, and to young Arthur, it seemed an impossible query. But since it was better than death, he accepted the monarch's proposition to have an answer by year's end.
He returned to his kingdom and began to poll everybody: the princess, the priests, the wise men, the court jester.
He spoke with everyone, but no one could give him a satisfactory answer. Many people advised him to consult the old witch, only she would know the answer.
The price would be high; the witch was famous throughout the kingdom for the exorbitant prices she charged.
The last day of the year arrived and Arthur had no alternative but to talk to the witch. She agreed to answer his question, but he'd have to accept her price first:
The old witch wanted to marry Gawain, the most noble of the Knights of the Round Table and Arthur's closest friend!
Young Arthur was horrified. She was hunchbacked and hideous, had only one tooth, smelled like sewage, made obscene noises, etc. He had never encountered such a repugnant creature.
He refused to force his friend to marry her and have to endure such a burden.
Gawain, upon learning of the proposal, spoke with Arthur.
He told him that nothing was too big a sacrifice compared to Arthur's life and the preservation of the Round Table. Hence, their wedding was proclaimed, and the witch answered Arthur's question thus:
What a woman really wants is to be in charge of her own life.
Everyone instantly knew that the witch had uttered a great truth and that Arthur's life would be spared.
And so it was. The neighboring monarch granted Arthur total freedom.
What a wedding Gawain and the witch had!
Arthur was torn between relief and anguish. Gawain was proper as always, gentle and courteous. The old witch put her worst manners on display, and generally made everyone very uncomfortable.
The honeymoon hour approached. Gawain, steeling himself for a horrific experience, entered the bedroom. But what a sight awaited him! The most beautiful woman he'd ever seen lay before him!
The astounded Gawain asked what had happened.
The beauty replied that since he had been so kind to her when she'd appeared as a witch, she would henceforth be her horrible, deformed self half the time, and the other half, she would be her beautiful maiden self.
Which would he want her to be during the day, and which during the night?
What a cruel question!
Gawain pondered his predicament. During the day, a beautiful woman to show off to his friends, but at night, in the privacy of his home, an old witch?
Or would he prefer having by day a hideous witch, but by night a beautiful woman with whom to enjoy many intimate moments?
What would you do?
What Gawain chose follows below, but don't read it until you've made your own choice.
Make YOUR choice BEFORE you read Gawain's answer!
Noble Gawain replied that he would let her choose for herself.
Upon hearing this, she announced that she would be beautiful all the time because he had respected her enough to let her be in charge of her own life.
What is the moral of this story?
The moral is: If your woman doesn't get her own way, things are going to get ugly!
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Post by Jim on Aug 3, 2013 3:18:26 GMT 9
Still laughing about the above story..............
A Bayer asprin moment.... A Chinese Ming Vase is up for auction. The bidding opens at a half-million Euros. Bidding is brisk and each bidder is clearly identified as each raises the bid by 100,000 Euros. (The exchange rate at auction time was 1 Euro = $1.43.) Within seconds, the bid stalls at one million Euros, and the gasp from the crowd identifies the excitement that prevails in the room. The successful bidder is the last one who bid one million , and the auctioneer counts down the bid, "Going once, going twice, and sold to the gentleman sitting in front of me for one million Euros." Now, you are going to have to see the video for yourself. The auctioneer is exuberant. The pace is fast. This is how an auction should be run. Please note the excitement on the auctioneer's face after the final bid.
Auction - YouTube <http://www.youtube.com/embed/3e0yZCLjwfU?rel=0>
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