Jim Scanlon (deceased)
Senior Staff 
FORUM CHAPLAIN
Commander South Texas outpost of the County Sligo Squadron
Currently: Offline
Posts: 5,075 
Location:
Joined: July 2007
Retired: USAF
NBA: Spurs
NFL: Niners
MLB: Giants
NHL: Penguins
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Satire
Feb 21, 2012 4:13:57 GMT 9
Post by Jim Scanlon (deceased) on Feb 21, 2012 4:13:57 GMT 9
The following is satire. Obama didn't really say these things.
"President Obama ... announced that he is stepping down as president until after Election Day so he can focus all his time on campaigning. 'Let's just forget it,' Obama said in an interview with Barbara Walters. 'Nobody's buying this. I'm already mainly campaigning. This just formalizes the arrangement.' Obama's decision to temporarily cede the presidency to Vice President Joseph Biden comes amid criticism that the budget he released ... does more for Obama's political prospects than the country's economic future. ... 'The new budget I released ... was produced at our campaign headquarters in Chicago by David Axelrod,' Obama told Walters. 'He's is a wizard with numbers, though mostly it's been with polls. This is the first time he's tried writing a federal budget. I think he did just great.' ... Obama blamed Republicans for the deficit. 'They're making me do this. They upset me, and when I'm stressed, I spend. I'm working on it.' ... Meanwhile, Chinese President Hu Jintao expressed satisfaction with the new leverage his country would have over the United States as China increases its lending to fund America's spending. 'Bark like a dog, USA! Speak! Roll over.'" --columnist Keith Coffer
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Satire
Feb 21, 2012 6:27:10 GMT 9
Post by LBer1568 on Feb 21, 2012 6:27:10 GMT 9
France has neither winter nor summer nor morals. Apart from these drawbacks it is a fine country. France has usually been governed by prostitutes.'
Mark Twain
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'I would rather have a German division in front of me than a French one behind me.'
General George S. Patton
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'Going to war without France is like going deer hunting without your accordion.'
Norman Schwartzkopf
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'We can stand here like the French, or we can do something about it.'
Marge Simpson
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'As far as I'm concerned, war always means failure.'
Jacques Chirac, President of France
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'The only time France wants us to go to war is when the German Army is sitting in Paris sipping coffee.'
Regis Philbin
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'You know, the French remind me a little bit of an aging actress of the 1940s who was still trying to dine out on her looks but doesn't have the face for it.'
John McCain , U.S. Senator from Arizona
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'The last time the French asked for 'more proof' it came marching into Paris under a German flag.'
David Letterman
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'Only thing worse than a Frenchman is a Frenchman who lives in Canada .'
Ted Nugent
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'War without France would be like...Well...World War II.'
Unknown
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'The favourite bumper sticker in Washington D.C. right now is one that says 'First Iraq, then France.'
Tom Brokaw
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'What do you expect from a culture and a nation that exerted more of its national will fighting against Disney World and Big Macs than the Nazis?'
Dennis Miller
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'It is important to remember that the French have always been there when they needed us.'
Alan Kent
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'They've taken their own precautions against al-Qaida. To prepare for an attack, each Frenchman is urged to keep duct tape, a white flag, and a three-day supply of mistresses in the house.'
Argus Hamilton
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'Somebody was telling me about the French Army rifle that was being advertised on eBay the other day --the description was, 'Never shot. Dropped once.''
Rep. Roy Blunt, MO
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'The French will only agree to go to war when we've proven we've found truffles in Iraq .'
Dennis Miller
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Q. What did the mayor of Paris say to the German Army as they entered the city in WWII?
A. Table for 100,000 m'sieur?
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'Do you know how many Frenchmen it takes to defend Paris ? It's not known, it's never been tried.'
Rep. R. Blount, MO
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'Do you know it only took Germany three days to conquer France in WWII? And that's because it was raining.'
John Xereas, Manager, DC Improv
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"French Ban Fireworks at Euro Disney" (AP, Paris , March 5, 2003)
The French Government announced today that it is imposing a ban on the use of fireworks at Euro Disney. The decision comes the day after a nightly fireworks display at the park, located just 30 miles outside of Paris , caused the soldiers at a nearby French Army garrison to surrender to a group of Czech tourists.
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