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Post by steve201 (deceased) on Nov 14, 2009 11:25:34 GMT 9
My wife sat down on the settee next to me as I was flipping channels. She asked, 'What's on TV?'
I said, 'Dust.'
And then the fight started...
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My wife and I were watching "Who Wants To Be A Millionaire" while we were in bed. I turned to her and said, "Do you want to have sex?"
"No," she answered.
I then said, "Is that your final answer?"
She didn't even look at me this time, simply saying, "Yes."
So I said, "Then I'd like to phone a friend."
And then the fight started....
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Saturday morning I got up early, quietly dressed, made my lunch, and slipped quietly into the garage. I hooked up the boat up to the van, and proceeded to back out into a torrential downpour. The wind was blowing 50 mph, so I pulled back into the garage, turned on the radio, and discovered that the weather would be bad all day.
I went back into the house, quietly undressed, and slipped back into bed. I cuddled up to my wife's back, now with a different anticipation, and whispered, "The weather out there is terrible."
My loving wife of 5 years replied, "Can you believe my stupid husband is out fishing in that?"
And that's how the fight started...
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I rear-ended a car this morning.. So, there we were alongside the road and slowly the other driver got out of his car. You know how sometimes you just get soooo stressed and little things just seem funny? Yeah, well I couldn't believe it.... He was a DWARF!!! He stormed over to my car, looked up at me, and shouted, "I AM NOT HAPPY!!!"
So, I looked down at him and said, "Well, then which one are you?"
And then the fight started.....
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My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming anniversary. She said, 'I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 150 in about 3 seconds.'
I bought her a bathroom scale.
And then the fight started...
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When I got home last night, my wife demanded that I take her some place expensive... so, I took her to a petrol station.
And then the fight started...
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After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to apply for Social Security. The woman behind the counter asked me for my driver's License to verify my age. I looked in my pockets and realized I had left my wallet at home. I told the woman that I was very sorry, but I would have to go home and come back later.
The woman said, 'Unbutton your shirt'. So I opened my shirt revealing my curly silver hair. She said, 'That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me' and she processed my Social Security application.
When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about my experience at the Social Security office..
She said, 'You should have dropped your pants. You might have gotten disability, too.'
And then the fight started...
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My wife and I were sitting at a table at my school reunion, and I kept staring at a drunken lady swigging her drink as she sat alone at a nearby table.
My wife asked, 'Do you know her?'
'Yes,' I sighed, 'She's my old girlfriend. I understand she took to drinking right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear she hasn't been sober since.'
'My God!' says my wife, 'who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?'
And then the fight started...
******************************************
I took my wife to a restaurant. The waiter, for some reason took my order first. "I'll have the steak, medium rare, please."
He said, "Aren't you worried about the mad cow?""
Nah, she can order for herself."
And then the fight started....
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A woman was standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror. She was not happy with what she saw and said to her husband, "I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly. I really need you to pay me a compliment.'
The husband replied, 'Your eyesight's damn near perfect.'
And then the fight started.....
:lol
Steve
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Post by lindel on Nov 17, 2009 9:39:25 GMT 9
This from a friend =
We were in Pigeon Forge over the week end. We left to come home on
Sunday. Traffic was moving slowly, and a car in front of us had an Obama
bumper sticker on it. It read: "Pray for Obama. Psalm 109:8".
Mike's Bible was lying on the dash board & he got it & opened it up to the
scripture & read it. He started laughing & laughing. Then he read it to
me. I couldn't believe what it said. I had a good laugh, too.
Psalm 109:8
"Let his days be few; and let another take his office"
NIV - May his days be few;
may another take his place of leadership.
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Post by lindel on Nov 17, 2009 9:53:40 GMT 9
Here's a link to an email my sister sent me, someone's plea about not hunting... You might have to download it to see it, it's in a 2003 Word document. Only way I could figure to get it all in one place... www.mediafire.com/?im5tzy5zyhd |
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Post by daoleguy A.J. Hoehn (deceased) on Nov 17, 2009 11:39:42 GMT 9
This from a friend = "Let his days be few; and let another take his office" NIV - May his days be few;
may another take his place of leadership.What are you saying here? Disturbs me. Hardly a joke. AJ |
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Bullhunter
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Post by Bullhunter on Nov 17, 2009 11:49:40 GMT 9
I think what it means it that they are praying he is a one term CIC.
Does not get relected.
My impression anyway.
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Post by daoleguy A.J. Hoehn (deceased) on Nov 17, 2009 13:24:12 GMT 9
I think what it means it that they are praying he is a one term CIC. Does not get relected. My impression anyway. Sorry Gary. I see it as a statement of sedition. I cannot believe one of us would nake this implication. There is a limit on free speech. That to me was over it. AJ |
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Post by Gene on Nov 17, 2009 16:58:30 GMT 9
maybe we shouldn't persue this thread....lets go some where else.
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Post by Jim on Nov 18, 2009 3:14:55 GMT 9
Last comments on that bumper sticker: Everybody vote in every election
and: Sedition often includes subversion of a constitution and incitement of discontent (or resistance) to lawful authority.........REMEMBER, IF IT HAS POLITICAL OVERTONES, IT GOES INTO THE POLITICAL BULLSHIT ARENA, that way NO ON has the right to complain about what is there...
As O'Rielly says there is the place for bloviating............. The Old Sarge
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Bullhunter
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Post by Bullhunter on Nov 18, 2009 6:31:36 GMT 9
AJ, "Free Speech" is a darn strange thing. Either you have "Free Speach" or you do not. You do not like that bumper sticker. Well, some democratic party members have referred to the Tea Party Members as "tea baggers" and the liberal media has pickup on it and repeated it. Do you know what the sexual insult is with that? I take offense with that. But free speech gives them the right to say things that insults others. People can and will say ugly things even if it makes themselves look sick & ugly. I don't see that bumper sticker as a definition of sedition. I think it was Jefferson who said something like this, "He who is willing to give up a little freedom & security for a little peace deserves none." You want to make remarks about sedition then look at some of the radical muslims chearing the attacks on Ft. Hood and suggesting attacks on C-130's carring U.S. Forces. That my friend is sedition. You know that funny thing about free speech? It allows you to disagree with that bumper sticker and me to disagree about the tea bag remarks.  |
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Bullhunter
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Post by Bullhunter on Nov 18, 2009 6:44:12 GMT 9
Posted by lindel:,,, Yep, I received that last night myself. Just shows you how nuts the liberals are. I guess they do not like fishing either, but run to "Burger King" for fish sandwiches. My posted picture about hunting and hunters. Tastes good! My friend Mark arrowed this one that died in 10 seconds. It was not herded around with an electric cattle prod for days in cramped fence areas, was not hung upside down alive, then an air compressed bar punched through its skull, then its neck slit so it could bleed out.  |
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Post by jimpadgett on Nov 18, 2009 9:13:07 GMT 9
Sara is supposed to have said, in her book, something like..... There's plenty of room in Alaska for game right beside the mashed potatoes. Hope that's not too political. I can remember when hunting was a sport and fun.
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Post by lindel on Nov 18, 2009 20:54:39 GMT 9
When I posted those, I didn't see them as anything other than jokes (I did think I was in the Jokes thread). I didn't read anything else into them, other than I thought they were funny.
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Post by Jeff Shannon on Nov 19, 2009 0:13:12 GMT 9
Posted by lindel:,,, Yep, I received that last night myself. Just shows you how nuts the liberals are. I guess they do not like fishing either, but run to "Burger King" for fish sandwiches. My posted picture about hunting and hunters. Tastes good! My friend Mark arrowed this one that died in 10 seconds. It was not herded around with an electric cattle prod for days in cramped fence areas, was not hung upside down alive, then an air compressed bar punched through its skull, then its neck slit so it could bleed out. I was once told the word "Vegetarian" was an old Indian word for Poor hunter |
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