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Post by steve201 (deceased) on Apr 11, 2012 6:34:37 GMT 9
have blue was just a code name that is randomely picked up on a list of codes...you can google code names and it will bring up a mess of them...
have blue just happened to be the f117 program....
Steve
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Post by steve201 (deceased) on Apr 11, 2012 1:58:07 GMT 9
Years ago, a young Navy Pilot was injured while ejecting from his A-4 Skyhawk due to engine failure during a cat shot from the carrier, but due to the heroics of rescue helicopter and the ship's hospital staff, the only permanent injury was the loss of one ear.
Since he wasn't physically impaired, he remained on flight status and eventually became an Admiral. However, during his career he was always sensitive about his appearance.
One day the Admiral was interviewing two Navy Master Chiefs and a Marine Sergeant Major for his personal staff.
The first Master Chief was a Surface Navy type and it was a great interview. At the end of the interview the Admiral asked him, "Do you notice anything different about me?"
The Master Chief answered, "Why, yes, Admiral. I couldn't help but notice that
you are missing your starboard ear, so I don't know whether this impacts your hearing on that side."
The Admiral got very angry at this lack of tact and threw him out of his office.
The next candidate, an Aviation Master Chief, when asked this same question, answered, "Well yes, Sir, you seem to be short one ear."
The Admiral threw him out as well.
The third interview was with the Marine Sergeant Major. He was articulate, extremely sharp, and seemed to know more than the two Master Chiefs put together. The Admiral wanted this guy, but went ahead with the same question. "Do you notice anything different about me?" To his surprise, the Sergeant Major said, "Yes Sir. You wear contact lenses."
The Admiral was impressed and thought to himself, what an incredibly tactful Marine. "And how would you know that?" the Admiral asked.
The Sergeant Major replied: "Well, sir, it's pretty hard to wear glasses with only one f#ckin' ear."
Steve
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Post by steve201 (deceased) on Apr 10, 2012 4:02:18 GMT 9
ok...since the submarine is now razor blades and the sail (for you airdales..that's the thingy that sticks up)...is mounted on concrete pad as a memorial....I can talk about some of this stuff...so.. one morning I came walking into my office at mare island navshpyd and I'm met by my boss at my desk..just put my briefcase down and he walks up to me and tells me to get my safety toe shoes and hard hat and get down to drydock 3....they have some issues and trying to undock at 10:30...man..I haven't even had my morning hit of caffiene yet!!!... plus I had to meet up with 3 people on the way....the lead engineer...the docking officer and the ships capt...!!!..ooooh man..this isn't going to be pretty...the SSN683 was going out on a priority 1 mission and they wanted the boat IN the water ready to go by midnite that nite....tides were extreme so this would enable them to undock the boat with plenty of room to spare from the dock sill..... so..off I go...time is 0730 and I'm already hitting the bricks at full tilt.... made it to drydock 3 and met up with the 3 officials....the lead engineer tells me what's wrong...now ...remember from my other post that this is a classified submarine ??..it's sitting on the bottom of the drydock and this one has features that are external to the hull...like 2 huge sponsons and a fwd and aft module that hangs off the bottom of the boat...fwd one has a winch and thrusters along with lights and cameras to watch what is going on under the boat.... on the fwd module they tried to install a new winch assy...which wouldn't work right so they re-installed the old winch assy...which worked..BUT!!!...the doors around it wouldn't close properly.....flooding the dock was going to happen at 10:30 and we needed those doors closed yesterday..on the doors were spools for coiling and stowing these huge electrical cables so they could be pulled and repaired on the surface if need be... so..with all three watching every friggin move I made....I grabbed a guy with a cutting torch...and a painter... we unloaded the cables off the spool and with a grease pencil...I marked where to cut the spool off or complety removed them depending on the doors....while this is going on you can see the cranes moving bins and forklifts out of the drydock....people running around taking stuff up the sides....scrambling to button things up..get the dock officer to sign things off ...all the while the torch guy would burn off something ..and the painter would run over and slap a coat of paint on it to prevent rusting while she was going out on a mission.....he was so fast I grabbed a door to check clearance and got a handful of paint!!!.....we stowed a couple of the cables to the inside frames of the thrusters module and called it good with cable ties to secure them from bouncing around or floating free.....at 1015am..we had the doors buttoned up...the jobs signed off and we were climbing the sides of the dock stairs to clear for flooding the dock......now to give you a picture of the size of the dry dock....it will hold 1 ea. battle ship or 2 full sized attack subs...they are monster holes in the ground..... well...they started flooding the dock while we were walking back to the office and I spent the rest of the day briefing the structures guys on what I did...the wire guys on what I did...and had several meetings with the shipyard commander over what I did so that the boat could hit it's mission requirements without the shipyard causing a delay......... to this day I still don't know where she was going....what she did...and why the mission was so hot to get her undocked and underway by midnite that nite...heck...the reactor wasn't even running and it takes 8 hrs to fire one off to make enough steam to get underway!!! Steve
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Post by steve201 (deceased) on Apr 7, 2012 13:11:00 GMT 9
well...that's not fair....I can't beat the lord on any airplane or submarine!!!......dang....that was a nice accomplishment jim!!!...can't beat raising a great family and service to country and god.....good man....
God Bless ya!! :thanks :salute :us_flag :patriotic-flagwaver :god_bless_usa Steve
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Post by steve201 (deceased) on Apr 4, 2012 12:26:26 GMT 9
I have 2 dogs & I was buying a large bag of Pal Dog Food at WalMart and while standing in line at the check out.
No kidding, a woman behind me asked if I had a dog.
On impulse, I told her that no, I was starting The Pal Diet again, Although I probably shouldn't because I'd ended up in the hospital last time, but that I'd lost 50 pounds before I awakened in an intensive care ward with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IV's in both arms.
I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that the way that it works is to load your pants pockets with Pal nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry & that the food is nutritionally complete so I was going to try it again.
I have to mention here that practically everyone in the line was by now enthralled with my story, particularly a guy who was behind her.
Horrified, she asked if I'd ended up in the hospital in that condition because I had been poisoned. I told her no; it was because I'd been sitting in the street licking my balls and a car hit me.
I thought one guy was going to have a heart attack he was laughing so hard as he staggered out the door.
Stupid broad----, why else would I buy dog food??
Steve
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Post by steve201 (deceased) on Apr 4, 2012 11:06:30 GMT 9
A man was driving down the road and ran out of gas. Just at that moment, a bee flew in his window. The bee said, 'What seems to be the problem?' 'I'm out of gas,' the man replied. The bee told the man to wait right there and flew away. Minutes later, the man watched as an entire swarm of bees flew to his car and into his gas tank. After a few minutes, the bees flew out. 'Try it now,' said one bee. The man turned the ignition key and the car started right up. 'Wow!' the man exclaimed, 'what did you put in my gas tank'? The bee answered, Wait for it.wait for it.. You're just gonna love this.. BEE PEE..... I see you smiling :lol Steve
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Post by steve201 (deceased) on Apr 2, 2012 23:43:14 GMT 9
monkeys with car keys Steve
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Post by steve201 (deceased) on Apr 2, 2012 11:01:37 GMT 9
well.....hope somebody comes out with something......I hung some stuff out there...not trying to brag but it's something I am proud of my teeny part in a big cog!!you guys have even more right to brag here than me.......... :patriotic-flagwaver
Steve
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Post by steve201 (deceased) on Apr 2, 2012 10:51:19 GMT 9
180 views and no more posts? ?.......you guys have to have done something !!!! Steve
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Post by steve201 (deceased) on Mar 30, 2012 2:38:14 GMT 9
The Blizzard and the Blonde..
It was snowing heavily and blowing to the point that visibility was almost zero when the littleBlonde got off work. She made her way to her car and wondered how she was going to make it home. She sat in her car while it warmed up and thought about her situation. She finally remembered her daddy's advice that if she got caught in a blizzard she should wait for a snow-plow to come by and follow it. That way she would not get stuck in a snow drift.
This made her feel much better and sure enough in a little while a snow-plow went by and she started to follow it. As she followed the snow-plow she was feeling very smug as they continued and she was not having any problem with the blizzard conditions.
After an hour had passed, she was somewhat surprised when the snow-plow stopped and the driver got out and came back to her car and signaled for her to roll down her window. The snow-plow driver wanted to know if she was alright as she had been following him for a long time. She said that she was fine and told him of her daddy's advice to follow a snow-plow when caught in a blizzard.
The driver replied that it was OK with him and she could continue if she wanted, but he was done with theWal-Mart parking lot , and was going over to plow the Sears parking lot next...!!!
Steve
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Post by steve201 (deceased) on Mar 29, 2012 11:46:38 GMT 9
The Good Dentist -------------------------
A guy and a girl meet at a bar. They get along so well that they decide to go to the girl's place.
A few drinks later, the guy takes off his shirt and then washes his hands.
He then takes of his trousers and washes his hands again.
The girl has been watching him and says, "You must be a dentist."
The guy, surprised, says "Yes! How did you figure that out?"
"Easy," she replied, "you keep washing your hands."
One thing led to another and they make love.
After they have done, the girl says, "You must be a good dentist."
The guy, now with a boosted ego says, "Sure, I'm a good dentist, How did you figure that out?"
"Didn't feel a thing!"
Steve
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Post by steve201 (deceased) on Mar 29, 2012 5:25:05 GMT 9
in the beginning was the "Plan".
and then came the "Assumption"
and the "Assumption" were without form.
and the "Plan" was without substance.
and the darkness was upon the face of the "Workers"
and they spoke amongst themselves saying, "It's a crock of sh#t and it stinks!!..."
and the Workers went unto their Supervisors and said, "it's a pail of dung and we cannont live with the smell".
and the Supervisors went unto their Managers , saying "it is a container of excrement and it is very strong, such that none may abide by it."
and the Managers went unto their Directors , saying "it is a vessel of fertilizer and none may abide by it's strength"
and the Directors spoke amongst themselves, saying to one another, "it contains that which aids in plant growth and it is very strong"
and the Directors went to the Vice Presidents, saying unto them, "it promotes growth and it is very powerful"
and the Vice Presidents went to the President saying unto him, "this new plan will actively promote growth and vigor of the company with very powerful effects."
and the President looked upon the plan and saw that it was "good".
and the plan became "policy"........
and this is how sh#t happens!!!...
Steve
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Post by steve201 (deceased) on Mar 28, 2012 7:13:30 GMT 9
The Cow, an Ant, and an Old Fart A cow, an ant and an old fart are debating on who is the greatest of the three of them. The cow said, "I give 20 quarts of milk every day and that's why I am the greatest!" The ant said, "I work day and night, summer and winter, I can carry 52 times my own weight and that's why I am the greatest!" Why are you scrolling down? It's your turn to say something. ;D :rofl Steve
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Post by steve201 (deceased) on Mar 27, 2012 7:07:17 GMT 9
dang I'm old....to think I dated your mother-in-law..
time to start drinkin heavily..
Steve
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Post by steve201 (deceased) on Mar 27, 2012 5:54:37 GMT 9
yeah..I think I dated her once!! ;D Steve
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Post by steve201 (deceased) on Mar 27, 2012 1:40:18 GMT 9
West Virginia farm kid in the U.S. Marines (now at San Diego Marine Corps Recruit Training)
Dear Ma and Pa,
I am well. Hope you are. Tell Brother Walt and Brother Elmer the Marine Corps beats working for old man Minch by a mile. Tell them to join up quick before all of the places are filled.
I was restless at first, because you get to stay in bed till nearly 6:00 a.m. But I am getting so I like to sleep late. Tell Walt and Elmer all you do before breakfast is smooth your cot, and shine some things. No hogs to slop, feed to pitch, mash to mix, wood to split, fire to lay. Practically nothing.
All men got to shave but it's not so bad, there's warm water.
Breakfast is strong on trimmings like fruit juice, cereal, eggs, bacon, etc., but kind of weak on chops, potatoes, ham, steak, fried eggplant, pie and other regular food, but tell Walt and Elmer you can always sit by the two city boys who live on coffee. Their food, plus yours, holds you until noon when you get fed again. It's no wonder these city boys can't walk much.
We go on 'route marches', which the platoon sergeant says are long walks to harden us. If he thinks so, it's not my place to tell him different. A 'route march' is about as far as to our mailbox at home. Then the city guys get sore feet and we all ride back in trucks.
The sergeant is like a school teacher. He nags a lot. The Captain is like the school board. Majors and Colonels just ride around and frown. They don't bother you none.
This next one will kill Walt and Elmer with laughing. I keep getting medals for shooting. I don't know why. The bulls-eye is near as big as a chipmunk head and don't move, and it ain't shooting at you like the Higgett boys at home. All you got to do is lie there all comfortable and hit it. You don't even load your own cartridges. They come in boxes.
Then we have what they call hand-to-hand combat training. You get to wrestle with them city boys. I have to be real careful though, they break real easy. It ain't like fighting with that old bull at home. I'm about the best they got in this except for that Tug Jordan from over in Silver Lake. I only beat him once. He joined up the same time as me, but I'm only 5'6' and 130 pounds and he's 6'8' and near 300 pounds dry.
Be sure to tell Walt and Elmer to hurry and join before other fellers get onto this set-up and come stampeding in.
Your loving daughter, Alice
Steve
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Post by steve201 (deceased) on Mar 24, 2012 13:11:38 GMT 9
awesome gary....just awesome.....
:salute :clap :2thumbsup Steve
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Post by steve201 (deceased) on Mar 24, 2012 6:29:16 GMT 9
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Post by steve201 (deceased) on Mar 23, 2012 9:41:39 GMT 9
An Arab enters a taxi cab in Dallas, Texas.......... Once he is seated he asks the cab driver to turn off the radio because he must not hear music as decreed by his religion and; in the time of the prophet, there was no music, especially Western music, which is music of the infidel's and certainly no radio ........ So the cab driver politely switches off the radio, pulls over to the side, stops the cab and opens the back door. The Arab asks him: What are you doing man? The Texan answers:In the time of the prophet there were no taxis. So get your ass out and wait for a camel.
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Post by steve201 (deceased) on Mar 23, 2012 7:34:36 GMT 9
Mine's not AF related as all I was in the AF was a clerk....
ok..here goes... I got hired on in 1980 to Mare Island Navshipyd as a civilian electrical designer..my work steadily improved and my boss recommended me to work for Ocean Engineering Electrical Systems Integration group for a special submarine used for soviet spying missions. the Boat was called the USS Parche SSN683 and I helped install tons of electrical systems onboard the boat to allow saturation divers to egress the boat and plant underwater listening devices on underwater telephone cables....Ronny Reagan at the time wanted everything and anything available to subvert the soviets....so...with our listening devices in place...Nato ran an excersize right up to the Polish Border. This event threw all the warsaw forces on alert and they actually thought we were coming over the borders to take the union over.....well...NATO got right to the border...and ....stopped......stuck around for a few hrs and turned around...this was a totally unannounced excersize which scared the crap outa them..... Reagan (I love this guy)..called Gorbechov to meet (remember this???) in iceland for an impromptu ....told gorby he knew that they thought we were coming over the border....told him that we didn't want to do anything to russia but we'd buy anything they had....just "TEAR DOWN THAT WALL" and make nice....which gorby did..... I helped (in a teeny weeny way) bring the fall of the soviet union down with our submarine and intelligence activity.....with those wire tapping devices .....we knew what planes were flyable...what ships could make sail.....what general was boinking who due to the fact that they thought the phone lines were secure...they weren't cuz we were listening in on every conversation available to all the underwater phone lines they had ......they actually found one on the bottom and pulled it up...said CIA all over it.... and if you don't believe me...read "Blind Mans Bluff" by sherry sontag.....
Then of course I spent 7 yrs designing the Nuclear submarine SSN21 USS Seawolf class at Newport News Shipbuidling & Drydock company in Va....starting in 1988 and finished in 1995
Steve
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