MArv
F-106 Skilled
"Aint electronics Wonderful!"
Currently: Offline
Posts: 115
Location:
Joined: March 2004
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Post by MArv on Feb 16, 2005 3:05:35 GMT 9
Are ya using them "Animal Beers" ?? AAA""!!! The old Schmidt cans were something back when I was at Duluth! Or maybe you are still nursing along a Fitgers!!! Which one is it? I'll stick with my green ones for now! MArv and Two fer Jim!
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Post by Cougar on Feb 20, 2005 2:40:39 GMT 9
Or maybe you are still nursing along a Fitgers!!! Which one is it? I'll stick with my green ones for now! Funny you should mention da Fitz-gerrs.... ....I used to refer to that as green beer cause it made me run, and we're not talking about High School Track Meets here. The good stuff as I recall it was da "Glik-Stite"; my first venture into the world of inebriation and dis-orderly - as well as my first adventure of offering a prayer to the Porcelain God. An English couple is paired up with an Irish couple for a round of golf. The Englishman's wife steps up to the tee, and as she bends over to place her ball a gust of wind blows her skirt up and reveals her lack of underwear. "Good God, woman! Why aren't you wearing any knickers?" her husband demanded. ;D "Well, you don't give me enough housekeeping money to afford any." ;D ;D The Englishman immediately reaches into his pocket and says, "For the sake of decency, here's £50. Go and buy yourself some underwear right this minute." When they resume the Irishman's wife steps up to the tee. As she bends over to place her ball, the wind also takes her skirt over her head to reveal that she, too, is naked under it. "Sweet mudder of Jesus, Aggie! Where the frig are yer drawers?" ;D She too explains, "You dinna give me enough money ta be able ta affarrd any." ;D ;D The Irishman reaches into his pocket and says, "Well, fer the love 'o Jasus, 'n the sake of decency, here's a comb. Tidy yerself up a bit."
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MArv
F-106 Skilled
"Aint electronics Wonderful!"
Currently: Offline
Posts: 115
Location:
Joined: March 2004
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Post by MArv on Mar 1, 2005 2:32:50 GMT 9
For All you folks that like a "Little humor!" here is the cleanest I can do for you! Enjoy! MArv Jack and Jill Jack and Jill were both patients in a mental hospital. One day while they were walking past the hospital swimming pool, Jack suddenly jumped into the deep end. He sank to the bottom of the pool and stayed there. Jill promptly jumped in to save him. She swam to the bottom, pulled Jack out and brought him to his room. When the hospital director became aware of Jills heroic act, she immediately ordered that Jill be discharged from the hospital because she now considered Jill to be mentally stable. She went to Jill and said, "I have some good news and some bad news. The good news is that you're being discharged because you responded so rationally to a crisis. By jumping in the pool to save the life of another patient, you displayed sound mindedness. The bad news is that Jack, the patient you saved, hung himself in his bathroom with his bathrobe belt right after you saved him. I am so sorry, but he's dead." Jill replied, "He didn't hang himself. I put him there to dry. How soon can I go home?"
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MArv
F-106 Skilled
"Aint electronics Wonderful!"
Currently: Offline
Posts: 115
Location:
Joined: March 2004
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Post by MArv on Mar 1, 2005 11:51:47 GMT 9
OK! OK! OK! I'm breaking the mold and this one is a little more on the "Awful" side! Enjoy! For ALL of my fellow "Governrment Employees!" MArv A guy goes to the local Post Office to apply for a job. The interviewer asks him, "Have you been in the service?" "Yes," he says. "I was in Viet Nam for three years." The interviewer says, "That will give you extra points toward employment," and then asks, "Are you disabled in any way?" The guy says, "Yes 100% ... a mortar round exploded near me and blew my testicles off." The interviewer tells the guy, "O.K. I can hire you right now. The hours are from 8 a.m. to 4 p.m. You can start tomorrow. Come in at 10 a.m." The guy is puzzled and says, "If the hours are from 8 a.m. to 4 p.m., then why do you want me to come in at 10 a.m.?" "This is a government job" the interviewer explains. "For the first two hours we sit around scratching our balls ... no point in you coming in for that."
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Post by Cougar on Mar 5, 2005 15:35:29 GMT 9
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Post by Cougar on Mar 8, 2005 16:02:53 GMT 9
THE BLIND WAL-MART CLERK A woman goes into Wal-Mart to buy a rod and reel for her grandson's birthday. She doesn't know which one to get so she just grabs one and goes over to the counter. A Wal-Mart associate is standing there wearing dark shades. She says, "Excuse me, sir. Can you tell me anything about this rod and reel?" He says, "Ma'am, I'm completely blind; but if you'll drop it on the counter, I can tell you everything you need to know about it from the sound it makes. She doesn't believe him but drops it on the counter anyway. He says, "That's a six-foot Shakespeare graphite rod with a Zebco 404 reel and 10-LB. Test line. It's a good all around combination; and it's on sale this week for only $20.00." She says, "It's amazing that you can tell all that just by the sound of it dropping on the counter. I'll take it!" As she opens her purse, her credit card drops on the floor. "Oh, that sounds like a Master Card," he says. She bends down to pick it up and accidentally breaks wind. At first she is really embarrassed, but then realizes there is no way the blind clerk could tell it was she who farted. Being blind, he wouldn't know that she was the only person around. The man rings up the sale and says, "That'll be $34.50 please. " The woman is totally confused by this and asks, "Didn't you tell me it was on sale for $20.00? How did you get $34.50?" He replies, "Yes, Ma'am. The rod and reel is $20.00, but the Duck Call you picked out is $11.00 and the fresh Catfish Bait is $3.50."
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Post by pat perry on Mar 9, 2005 2:48:48 GMT 9
Morris and his wife Esther went to the state fair every year, and every year Morris would say, "Esther, I'd like to ride in that helicopter". Esther always replied," I know Morris, but that helicopter ride is 50 dollars and 50 dollars is 50 dollars". One year Esther and Morris went to the fair, and Morris said" Esther I'm 85 years old. If I don't ride that helicopter, I might never get another chance". Esther replied" Morris that helicopter is 50 dollars and 50 dollars is 50 dollars". The pilot over heard the couple and said," folks I'll make you a deal. I'll take the both of you for a ride. If you can stay quiet for the entire ride and not say a word I won't charge you! But if you say one word, it's 50 dollars". Morris and Esther agreed and up they went. The pilot did all kinds of fancy maneuvers, but not a word was heard. He did all his dare devil tricks over and over again, but still not a word. When they landed, the pilot turned to Morris and said" by golly, I did everything I could to get you to yell out, but you didn't. I'm impressed!" Morris replied, " well I was going to say something when Esther fell out, but 50 dollars is 50 dollars".
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Post by Cougar on Mar 9, 2005 18:21:12 GMT 9
As tax time approaches we all need a little off color tax humor! The Internal Revenue Service sent an auditor to a synagogue. As the auditor reviews all the paperwork, he turns to the Rabbi and says, "I noticed that you buy a lot of candles." "Yes, we do," responded the Rabbi. "Well, Rabbi, what do you do with the candle drippings?" He asked. "A good question," noted the Rabbi. "We actually save them up and when we have enough, we send them back to the candle maker and every now and then, they send us a free box of candles." "Oh," replied the auditor somewhat disappointed that his unusual question actually had a practical answer. "Rabbi, what about all these matzo purchases? What do you do with all the crumbs from the matzo?" "Ah, yes," replied the rabbi calmly. "We actually collect up all the crumbs from the matzo and when we have enough, we send them in a bo x back to the manufacturer; and every now and then they send us a box of matzo balls." "Oh," replied the auditor, thinking hard how he could fluster the rabbi. "Well, Rabbi," he continued, "what do you do with all the foreskins from the circumcisions?" "Yes, here too, we do not waste." The rabbi answered. What we do is save up all the foreskins, and when we have enough we actually send them to the Internal Revenue Service." "Internal Revenue?" questioned the auditor in disbelief. "Ah, yes," replied the Rabbi, "Internal Revenue. And about once a year, they send us a little prick like you."
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Post by Cougar on Mar 11, 2005 16:03:00 GMT 9
Into a Belfast pub comes Paddy Murphy, looking like he'd just been run over by a train. His arm is in a sling, his nose is broken, his face is cut and bruised and he's walking with a limp. "What happened to you?" asks Sean, the bartender. "Jamie O'Conner and me had a fight," says Paddy. "That little snit, O'Conner," says Sean, "he couldn't do that to you, he must have had something in his hand." "That he did," says Paddy, "a shovel is what he had, and a terrible lickin' he gave me with it." "Well," says Sean, "you should have defended yourself, didn't you have something in your hand?" "That I did," said Paddy. "Mrs. O'Conner's breast, and a thing of beauty it was, but useless in a fight,"
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Post by Cougar on Mar 13, 2005 1:28:26 GMT 9
Brenda O'Malley is home making dinner, as usual, when Tim Finnegan arrives at her door. "Brenda, may I come in?" he asks. "I've somethin to tell ya." "Of course you can come in, you're always welcome, Tim. But where's my husband?" "That's what I'm here to be tellin' ya, Brenda. "There was an accident down at the Guinness brewery..." "Oh, God no!" cries Brenda. "Please don't tell me... "I must, Brenda. Your husband Shamus is dead and gone. I'm sorry." Finally, she looked up at Tim. "How did it happen, Tim?" "It was terrible, Brenda. He fell into a vat of Guinness Stout and drowned." Oh my dear Jesus! But you must tell me true, Tim. "Did he at least go quickly?" "Well, no Brenda... no. Fact is, he got out three times to pee."
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Post by Jim on Mar 13, 2005 10:35:25 GMT 9
Brenda O'Malley is home making dinner, as usual, when Tim Finnegan arrives > at her door. > "Brenda, may I come in?" he asks. "I've somethin' to tell ya". > "Of course you can come in, you're always welcome, Tim. But where's my > husband?" > "That's what I'm here to be telling ya, Brenda." There was an accident down > at the Guinness brewery..." > "Oh, God no!" cries Brenda. "Please don't tell me." > "I must, Brenda. Your husband Shamus is dead and gone. I'm sorry." > Finally, she looked up at Tim. "How did it happen, Tim?" > "It was terrible, Brenda. He fell into a vat of Guinness Stout and drowned." > "Oh my dear Jesus! But you must tell me true, Tim. Did he at least go > quickly?" > "Well, Brenda... no. In fact, he got out three times to pee." > OH TIS GREAT TO BE IRISH, THE OLD SARGE...... (Thanks to J. Grant) = 3 Ps
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Post by Cougar on Mar 13, 2005 14:44:48 GMT 9
Mary Clancy goes up to Father O'Grady after his Sunday morning service, and she's in tears. He says, "So what's bothering you, Mary my dear?" She says, "Oh, Father, I've got terrible news. My husband passed away last night." The priest says, "Oh, Mary, that's terrible. Tell me, Mary, did he have any last requests?" She says, "That he did, Father.. The priest says, "What did he ask, Mary? She says, "He said, 'Please Mary, put down that damn gun...'
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Post by Jim on Mar 13, 2005 15:31:19 GMT 9
Into a Belfast pub comes Paddy Murphy, looking like he'd just been run over > by a train. > His arm is in a sling, his nose is broken, his face is cut and bruised and > he's walking with a limp. > "What happened to you?" asks Sean, the bartender. > "Jamie O'Conner and me had a fight," says Paddy. > "O'Conner?" says Sean. " He couldn't do that to you, he must have had > something in his hand." > "That he did," says Paddy. "A shovel is what he had, and a terrible lickin' > he gave me with it." > "Well," says Sean, "you should have defended yourself. Didn't you have > something in your hand?" > "That I did," says Paddy... "Mrs. O'Conner's breast, and a thing of beauty > it was, but useless in a fight." > Tis even greater to be IRISH twice in one day...... and I be a tippin me fine derby ta ye and come Saint Patty's, I be a drinkin a toast ta ye fine people from me fine 27th FIS Toastin Mug The Old Sarge Thanks ta Biendahoa fer thisn
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Post by Jim on Mar 15, 2005 12:24:40 GMT 9
"I've Lost Me Luggage" An Irishman arrived at J.F.K. Airport and wandered around the terminal with tears streaming down his cheeks. An airline employee asked him if he was already homesick. "No," replied the Irishman "I've lost all me luggage!" "How'd that happen?" "The cork fell out!" said the Irishman. an me a bein tdy to a dry county. he says ;D ;D The Old Sarge
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Post by Cougar on Mar 15, 2005 16:29:40 GMT 9
An Irishman who had a little too much to drink is driving home from the city one night and, of course, his car is weaving violently all over the road. A cop pulls him over. "So," says the cop to the driver, where have ya been?" "Why, I've been to the pub of course," slurs the drunk. "Well," says the cop, "it looks like you've had quite a few to drink this evening." "I did all right," the drunk says with a smile. "Did you know," says the cop, standing straight and folding his arms across his chest, "that a few intersections back, your wife fell out of your car?" "Oh, thank heavens," sighs the drunk. "For a minute there, I thought I'd gone deaf,"
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Post by Jim on Mar 16, 2005 1:47:10 GMT 9
Three Irishmen, Paddy, Sean and Seamus, were stumbling home from the pub > late one night and found themselves on the road which led past the old > graveyard.. > > "Come have a look over here," says Paddy, "It's Michael O'Grady's grave, > God bless his soul. He lived to the ripe old age of 87." > > "That's nothing," says Sean, "here's one named Patrick O'Toole, it says > here that he was 95 when he died."! > > Just then, Seamus yells out, "Good God, here's a fella that got to be > 145!" > > "What was his name?" asks Paddy. > > Seamus stumbles around a bit, awkwardly lights a match to see what else is > written on the stone marker, and exclaims, > > "Miles, from Dublin." Cheers. The Old MA-1 Weenie the Old Sarge
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Post by Cougar on Mar 16, 2005 15:08:07 GMT 9
Dave works hard at the plant and spends most evenings bowling or playing basketball at the gym. His wife thinks he is pushing himself too hard, so for his birthday she takes him to a local strip club. The doorman at the club greets them and says, "Hey, Dave! How ya doin?" His wife is puzzled and asks if he's been to this club before. "Oh no," says Dave. "He's on my bowling team." When they are seated, a waitress asks Dave if he'd like his usual and brings over a Budweiser. His wife is becoming increasingly uncomfortable and says, "How did she know that you drink Budweiser?" "She's in the Ladies' Bowling League, honey. We share lanes with them." A stripper then comes over to their table, throws her arms around Dave, starts to rub herself all over him and says "Hi Davey. Want your usual table dance, big boy?" Dave's wife, now furious, grabs her purse and storms out of the club. Dave follows and spots her getting into a cab. Before she can slam the door, he jumps in beside her. Dave tries desperately to explain how the stripper must have mistaken him for someone else, but his wife is having none of it. She is screaming at him at the top of her lungs, calling him every 4 letter word in the book. The cabby turns around and says, "Geez Dave, you picked up a real bitch this time".
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MArv
F-106 Skilled
"Aint electronics Wonderful!"
Currently: Offline
Posts: 115
Location:
Joined: March 2004
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Post by MArv on Mar 16, 2005 23:03:29 GMT 9
As I look at the calendar I see that OUR day is finally about to be! So, for ALL of you FINE Irish MEN and for those that have a "WEE bit O the Irish in em" !!! Heres to you and may you all find true happiness! May you all remember the most famous line that perfectly describes our fellow "Sons of Erin!" "An Irishman is NEVER drunk, as long as he can hold onto one blade of green grass, and never fall off of the face of the earth!" One little joke here fer ya! What is the true definition of a "Real Deal!" A Titty full of booze! Erin go Bragh! MArv
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Post by pat perry on Mar 17, 2005 0:01:26 GMT 9
Happy St. Patricks day March 17, 2005
May there always be work for your hands to do; May your purse always hold a coin or two; May the sun always shine on your windowpane; May a rainbow be certain to follow each rain; May the hand of a friend always be near you; May God fill your heart with gladness to cheer you.
May your heart be full of love and cheer May your glass be full of Ireland's green beer!
Pat Perry (from an email forward by Col. John C. Marcotte, CO of the 456th FIS)
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Post by Cougar on Mar 17, 2005 13:09:19 GMT 9
Two men were sitting next to each other at a bar. After a while, one guy looks at the other and says, "I can't help but think, from listening to you, that you're from Ireland." The other guy responds proudly, "Yes, that I am!" The first guy says, "So am I! And where about from Ireland might you be?" The other guy answers, "I'm from Dublin, I am." The first guy responds, "Sure and begora, and so am I! And what street did you live on in Dublin?" The other guy says, "A lovely little area it was. I lived on McCleary Street in the old central part of town." The first guy says, "Faith it's a small world, so did I! And to what school would you have been going?" The other guy answers, "Well, now, I went to St. Mary's, of course." The first guy gets really excited and says, "And so did I. Tell me, what year did you graduate?" The other guy answers, "Well, now, I graduated in 1964." The first guy exclaims, "The Good Lord must be smiling down upon us! I can hardly believe our good luck at winding up in the same bar tonight. Can you believe it, I graduated from St. Mary's in 1964 my own self." About this time, Vicky walks into the bar, sits down, and orders a beer. Brian, the bartender, walks over to Vicky, shakes his head and mutters, "It's going to be a long night tonight. The Murphy twins are drunk again!"
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