Jim Scanlon (deceased)
Senior Staff 
FORUM CHAPLAIN
Commander South Texas outpost of the County Sligo Squadron
Currently: Offline
Posts: 5,075 
Location:
Joined: July 2007
Retired: USAF
NBA: Spurs
NFL: Niners
MLB: Giants
NHL: Penguins
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Post by Jim Scanlon (deceased) on Jan 8, 2013 5:18:39 GMT 9
AOL would not let me look at the post you sent, Lugnuts. Jim Too :  |
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Post by Jim on Jan 8, 2013 6:53:05 GMT 9
No dice here either Lugnuts............
A guy stopped at a local gas station, and after filling his tank, he paid the bill and bought a soft drink. He stood by his car to drink his cola and watched a couple of men working along the roadside.
One man would dig a hole two or three feet deep and then move on. The other man came along behind him and filled in the hole. While one was digging a new hole, the other was 25 feet behind filling in the hole.
The men worked right past the guy with the soft drink and went on down the road. "I can't stand this," said the man tossing the can into a trash container and headed down the road toward the men.
"Hold it, hold it," he said to the men. "Can you tell me what's going on here with all this digging and refilling?"
"Well, we work for the government and we're just doing our job," one of the men said.
"But one of you is digging a hole and the other fills it up. You're not accomplishing anything. Aren't you wasting the taxpayers' money?"
"You don't understand, mister," one of the men said, leaning on his shovel and wiping his brow. "Normally there's three of us: me, Elmer and Leroy. I dig the hole, Elmer sticks in the tree, and Leroy here puts the dirt back.
Elmer's job's been cut ... so now it's just me an' Leroy
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Post by Jim on Jan 9, 2013 1:10:41 GMT 9
Mrs. Ravioli comes to visit her son Anthony for dinner. He lives with a female roommate, Maria.
During the course of the meal, his mother couldn't help but notice how pretty Anthony's roommate was.
Over the course of the evening, while watching the two interact, she started to wonder if there was more between Anthony and his roommate than met the eye.
Reading his mom's thoughts, Anthony volunteered, "I know what you must be thinking, but I assure you, Maria and I are just roommates.''
About a week later, Maria came to Anthony saying, "Ever since your mother came to dinner, I've been unable to find the silver sugar bowl. You don't suppose she took it, do you?"
"Well, I doubt it, but I'll email her, just to be sure."
So he sat down and wrote an email:
Dear MaMa,
I'm not saying that you "did" take the sugar bowl from my house; I'm not saying that you "did not" take it.
But the fact remains that it has been missing ever since you were here for dinner.
Your Loving Son Anthony
Several days later, Anthony received a response email from his MaMa which read:
Dear son,
I'm not saying that you "do" sleep with Maria, and I'm not saying that you "do not" sleep with her.
But the fact remains that if she was sleeping in her OWN bed, she would have found the sugar bowl by now.
Your Loving MaMa
Moral:
Never Bulla Shitta your MaMa
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Post by pat perry on Jan 9, 2013 6:19:05 GMT 9
Someone caught Marv on video test driving his new pick up truck...
:rofl
Pat P.
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Post by lugnuts55 on Jan 9, 2013 7:02:33 GMT 9
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Post by Jim on Jan 9, 2013 7:44:08 GMT 9
Requires establishing an AOL account What happened to your signature?  ?? |
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Jim Scanlon (deceased)
Senior Staff
FORUM CHAPLAIN
Commander South Texas outpost of the County Sligo Squadron
Currently: Offline
Posts: 5,075
Location:
Joined: July 2007
Retired: USAF
NBA: Spurs
NFL: Niners
MLB: Giants
NHL: Penguins
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Post by Jim Scanlon (deceased) on Jan 9, 2013 8:44:30 GMT 9
AOL still wants me to log in. Jim Too : |
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Post by pat perry on Jan 10, 2013 1:17:23 GMT 9
Since a New York Newspaper saw fit to publish a map with "Dots" showing where "Gun Owners" live, it is only befitting for the public to know the locations of "Gun Owners" in Texas! The map below is made up of "Orange Dots" showing who and where guns are located. As the old saying goes, "Don't mess with Texas."
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Post by lugnuts55 on Jan 10, 2013 5:06:08 GMT 9
Let's try this.
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Post by Jim on Jan 10, 2013 9:14:42 GMT 9
worked Mike
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Post by pat perry on Jan 10, 2013 13:58:59 GMT 9
You'll enjoy this one... and see an old friend in the audience.
A Juggling Comedian
Pat P.
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Post by Jim on Jan 11, 2013 1:17:53 GMT 9
Norman, an old retired sailor, puts on his old uniform and heads for the docks once more, for old time sake.
He engages a prostitute and takes her up to a room.
He's soon going at it as well as he can for a guy his age but, needing some reassurance, he asks, “'How am I doing?”
The prostitute replies, 'Well Norman, old sailor, you're doing about three knots.'
“Three knots?”, he asks, “What's that supposed to mean?”
She says, “You're KNOT hard, you're KNOT in, and you're KNOT getting your money back!”
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Post by pat perry on Jan 12, 2013 7:22:48 GMT 9
A poetic tribute to our co-pilots
My Garmin
I have a little Garmin
It sits there in my car
A Garmin is a driver's friend
It tells you where you are
I have a little Garmin
I've had it all my life
It's better than the normal ones
My Garmin is my wife
It gives me full instructions
Especially how to drive
"It's thirty miles an hour", it says
"You're doing thirty five"
It tells me when to stop and start
And when to use the brake
And tells me that it's never ever
Safe to overtake.
It tells me when a light is red
And when it goes to green
It seems to know instinctively
Just when to intervene.
It lists the vehicles just in front
And all those to the rear
And taking this into account
It specifies my gear.
I'm sure no other driver
Has so helpful a device
For when we leave and lock the car
It still gives its advice.
It fills me up with counselling
Each journey's pretty fraught
So why don't I exchange it
And get a quieter sort?
Ah well, you see, it cleans the house,
Makes sure I'm properly fed,
It washes all my shirts and things
And - keeps me warm in bed!
Despite all these advantages
And my tendency to scoff,
I do wish that once in a while
I could turn the darned thing off!
:rofl
Pat P.
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Post by LBer1568 on Jan 12, 2013 9:35:30 GMT 9
It just hit me!
My dog sleeps about 20 hours a day.
He has his food prepared for him.
His meals are provided at no cost to him.
He visits the Dr. once a year for his checkup, and again during the year, if any medical needs arise.
For this he pays nothing, and nothing is required of him.
He lives in a nice neighborhood in a house that is much larger than he needs, but he is not required to do any upkeep.
If he makes a mess, someone else cleans it up.
He has his choice of luxurious places to sleep.
He receives these accommodations absolutely free.
He is living like a king, and has absolutely no expenses whatsoever.
All of his costs are picked up by others who earn a living.
I was just thinking about all this and suddenly it hit me like a ton of bricks ~
My dog is a Democrat!!!
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Post by LBer1568 on Jan 12, 2013 9:37:01 GMT 9
New Commemorative Pistol
Ruger is coming out with a new pistol in honor of the United States Senate
And House of Representatives.
It will be named the "Congressman."
It doesn't work and you can't fire it.
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Jim Scanlon (deceased)
Senior Staff
FORUM CHAPLAIN
Commander South Texas outpost of the County Sligo Squadron
Currently: Offline
Posts: 5,075
Location:
Joined: July 2007
Retired: USAF
NBA: Spurs
NFL: Niners
MLB: Giants
NHL: Penguins
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Post by Jim Scanlon (deceased) on Jan 14, 2013 8:18:48 GMT 9
Tim decided to tie the knot with his long time girlfriend.
One evening, after the honeymoon, he was assembling some loads for an upcoming hunt.
His wife was standing there at the bench watching him.
After a long period of silence she finally speaks.
"Honey, I've been thinking, now that we are married I think it's time you quit hunting, shooting, hand loading, and fishing.
Maybe you should sell your guns and boat.
"Tim gets this horrified look on his face.
She says, "Darling, what's wrong?"
There for a minute you were sounding like my ex-wife.
Ex wife!" she screams, "I didn't know you were married before!"
He said, "I wasn't."
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Post by Jim on Jan 14, 2013 9:33:36 GMT 9
New Commemorative Pistol Ruger is coming out with a new pistol in honor of the United States Senate And House of Representatives. It will be named the "Congressman." It doesn't work and you can't fire it. |
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Deleted
Currently: Offline
Posts: 0
Location:
Joined: January 1970
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Post by Deleted on Jan 14, 2013 9:35:27 GMT 9
it also has no caliber or bullet size, ergo, no ammo, and only shoots blanks
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Post by lindel on Jan 16, 2013 8:01:11 GMT 9
No way, it's too smart to be a congressman...
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Jim Scanlon (deceased)
Senior Staff
FORUM CHAPLAIN
Commander South Texas outpost of the County Sligo Squadron
Currently: Offline
Posts: 5,075
Location:
Joined: July 2007
Retired: USAF
NBA: Spurs
NFL: Niners
MLB: Giants
NHL: Penguins
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Post by Jim Scanlon (deceased) on Jan 16, 2013 9:01:35 GMT 9
Ole is 90 years old. He's played golf every day since his retirement 25 years ago. One day he arrives home looking downcast.
"Dat's it," he tells Lena. "I'm giving up golf. My eyesight has become so bad dat once I hit da ball I couldn't see vere it vent."
Lena sympathizes and gets him a shot of aquavit. As they sit down she says, "Vhy don't you take my brother Sven wit you and give it one more try."
"Dat's no good" sighs Ole, "your brother's a hundred and tree. He can't help."
"He may be a hundred and three", says Lena, "but his eyesight is perfect."
So the next day Ole heads off to the golf course with 103 year old Sven. He tees up, takes a mighty swing and squints down the fairway.
He turns to Sven and says, "Did you see da ball?"
"Of course I did!" replied Sven. "I have perfect eyesight".
"Vhere did it go?" says Ole.
"I don't remember."
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