|
Post by Jim on Sept 19, 2019 9:30:01 GMT 9
REALITY, A JOKE DOESN'T MAKE Blumenthal received five draft deferments during the Vietnam War, obtaining first educational deferments, and then deferments based on his occupation.With part-time service in the reserves or National Guard generally regarded as an alternative for those wishing to avoid serving in Vietnam, in April 1970 Blumenthal enlisted in the United States Marine Corps Reserve, and he served in units in Washington, D.C., and Connecticut from 1970 to 1976, attaining the rank of sergeant.
|
|
|
Post by LBer1568 on Mar 29, 2021 2:26:19 GMT 9
Got to see the logic in these.
|
|
|
Post by Jim on Apr 22, 2021 15:06:23 GMT 9
A Greek and an Irishman were sitting in a Starbucks one day comparing their two cultures. Over a double latte, the Greek mentions
"We built the Parthenon, you may recall, along with the Temple of Apollo."
"Aye, and it was the Irish that discovered the Summer and Winter Solstices."
"But it was the Greeks who gave birth to advanced mathematics."
"Granted, but it was the Irish who built the first timepieces."
Knowing that he's about to deliver the coup de grace, the Son of Athens points out with a note of finality:
"Keep in mind that it was the ancient Greeks who invented the notion of sex as a pleasurable activity!"
"Aye! True enough, but it was the Irish who got women involved."
|
|
Bullhunter
Global Moderator
318th FIS Jet Shop 1975-78
Currently: Offline
Posts: 7,369
Location:
Joined: May 2005
|
Post by Bullhunter on Apr 22, 2021 15:33:26 GMT 9
That was great Jim. Had Belinda and I both laughing and she needs laughter after her back surgery.
|
|
|
Post by pat perry on Apr 24, 2021 5:15:26 GMT 9
Now That I'm Older….........
Don’t be worried about your smartphone or TV spying on you. Your vacuum cleaner has been collecting dirt on you for years.
If you can’t think of a word say “I forgot the English word for it.” That way people will think you’re bilingual instead of an idiot.
I’m at a place in my life where errands are starting to count as going out.
I’m getting tired of being part of a major historical event.
I don’t always go the extra mile, but when I do it’s because I missed my exit.
At what point can we just start using 2020 as profanity? As in: “That’s a load of 2020.” or “What in the 2020.” or “abso-2020-lutely.”
My goal for 2020 was to lose 10 pounds. Only have 14 to go.
Ate salad for dinner. Mostly croutons and tomatoes. Really just one big round crouton covered with tomato sauce, and cheese. FINE, it was a pizza.... OK, I ate a pizza! Are you happy now?
I just did a week's worth of cardio after walking into a spider web.
I don't mean to brag, but I finished my 14-day diet food supply in 3 hours and 20 minutes.
A recent study has found women who carry a little extra weight live longer than men who mention it.
Kids today don't know how easy they have it. When I was young, I had to walk 9 feet through shag carpet to change the TV channel.
Senility has been a smooth transition for me.
Remember back when we were kids and every time it was below freezing outside they closed school? Yeah, Me neither.
I may not be that funny or athletic or good looking or smart or talented. I forgot where I was going with this.
I love approaching 80, I learn something new every day and forget 5 other things.
A thief broke into my house last night. He started searching for money so I got up and searched with him.
I think I'll just put an "Out of Order" sticker on my forehead and call it a day.
Just remember, once you're over the hill you begin to pick up speed.
Having plans sounds like a good idea until you have to put on clothes and leave the house.
It’s weird being the same age as old people.
When I was a kid I wanted to be older…this is not what I expected.
Life is like a helicopter. I don’t know how to operate a helicopter.
It’s probably my age that tricks people into thinking I’m an adult.
Marriage Counselor: Your wife says you never buy her flowers. Is that true? Me: To be honest, I never knew she sold flowers.
Never sing in the shower! Singing leads to dancing, dancing leads to slipping, and slipping leads to paramedics seeing you naked. So remember…Don’t sing!
If 2020 was a math word-problem: If you’re going down a river at 2 MPH and your canoe loses a wheel, how much pancake mix would you need to re-shingle your roof?
I see people about my age mountain climbing; I feel good getting my leg through my underwear without losing my balance.
So if a cow doesn’t produce milk, is it a milk dud or an udder failure?
Coronacoaster: noun; the ups and downs of a pandemic. One day you’re loving your bubble, doing work outs, baking banana bread and going for long walks and the next you’re crying, drinking gin for breakfast and missing people you don’t even like.
I’m at that age where my mind still thinks I’m 29, my humor suggests I’m 12, while my body mostly keeps asking if I’m sure I’m not dead yet.
You don’t realize how old you are until you sit on the floor and then try to get back up.
We all get heavier as we get older, because there's a lot more information in our heads. That's my story and I'm sticking to it.
|
|
|
Post by LBer1568 on Apr 25, 2021 3:28:51 GMT 9
This isn't a joke but it's a lazy type of day. Lorin
|
|
|
Post by Jim on May 13, 2021 0:59:47 GMT 9
A long time ago, a king wanted to go fishing and he asked the royal weather forecaster the Forecast for the next few hours.
The palace meteorologist assured him that there was no chance of rain. So the king and the queen went fishing...
On the way he met a man with a fishing pole riding on a donkey, and he asked the man if the fish were biting.
The fisherman said, "Your Majesty, you should return to the palace! In just a short time I expect a huge rain storm."
The king replied: "I hold the palace meteorologist in high regard. He is an educated and experienced professional.
Besides, I pay him very high wages. He gave me a very different forecast. I trust him.
So the king continued on his way, however, in a short time torrential rain fell from the sky. The King and Queen were totally soaked.
Furious the king returned to the palace and gave the order to fire the meteorologist.
Then he summoned the fisherman and offered him the prestigious position of royal forecaster.
The fisherman said, "Your Majesty, I do not know anything about forecasting. I obtain my information from my donkey.
If I see my donkey's ears drooping, it means with certainty that it will rain."
So the king hired the donkey. And thus began the practice of hiring dumb asses to work in influential government positions.
The practice is unbroken to this date.
|
|
|
Post by Diamondback on May 13, 2021 3:38:59 GMT 9
Jim, that's exactly the kind of joke Grandpa would have told, if it didn't make him laugh so hard he'd fall out of his chair or blowout the seat of his pants first. THanks for the laugh and bringing back memories...
|
|
|
Post by Jim on Jul 5, 2021 13:20:20 GMT 9
|
|
|
Post by Jim on Jul 5, 2021 13:27:15 GMT 9
|
|
|
Post by Jim on Jul 10, 2021 6:56:04 GMT 9
|
|
|
Post by Diamondback on Jul 11, 2021 6:00:49 GMT 9
All newsrooms are unrestrained looneybins, at least the two that I had to work in... safe bet they woulda gone screaming-meemie fracking UNGLUED if they'd known I was carrying a sidearm as part of MY job. Ugh... gas up to 3.95/gal here, may the curse of Mary Malone and her nine blind illegitimate children descend upon the anti-energy "let's de-industrialize back to the Middle Ages" idiots ruling from DC and Olympia and all those who helped install them.
|
|